SSG10-Week41 Songwriters' Block

Another fine fine entry. You sound soooo different when it's just you and the guitar.

The line "And a pretty young waitress to be your muse" sounded a bit awkward. Maybe if you dropped the "And" it would come out easier.

You sound soooo different when it's just you and the guitar.

so I guess you're saying that as a good thing :)
The line "And a pretty young waitress to be your muse" sounded a bit awkward. Maybe if you dropped the "And" it would come out easier
Thanks....I'll play around with the line....I want the stress syllables to be on PRET-ty and WAI-tress

....I'm leaning more towards adding a word
You see/find a pretty young waitress to be your muse

"And THERE"S a pretty young waitress to be your muse"

or

And that pretty young waitress can/might be your muse

I think that I am biased against conjunctions. Their use often reminds me of the speaker that adds, "y'know" or "um" to every sentence as they speak.

Of course Lennon/McCartney wrote "And I love her". What do I know anyway?

Hi James

Very enjoyable and a great bit of wordplay to boot!

You might work the waitress / muse line to your liking by being a bit more direct, like this:
You see the devil in the corner singing the blues
And that pretty young waitress there, she's your muse

The only other tweak I'd mention concerns the word "sympathy." I understand why it's there (not only as a rhyme but also to set up the terrific line that follows) and it may indeed be the right word but it seems very out of place in the context of all the happy-go-lucky feel of the rest of the lyrics. Maybe something like this might work:
Come on down to Songwriters' Block
We're learning while we're living ‘cause we're all self-taught
Pull up a chair and sing a song or two or three
Not much published but it's fine company

Or maybe even this:
Come on down to Songwriters' Block
We're learning while we're living ‘cause we're all self-taught
Come and amaze us with your gift of melody
Not much published but it's fine company

"Harmony" might be another possible (and possibly better) rhyme. I'll give it some thought.

As always, a pleasure to listen to and to enjoy. And, again as always, I look forward to more.

Peace

Another great song, James. Maybe you could change "sympathy" to "empathy."

Thanks MrEWorm, Renee and David for the feedback and suggestions.

POOF changes made* :mrgreen:

I tried to take all the suggestions into account on the rewrite and stuck with the upbeat vibe in the overall message/lyrics.

I still like the sound of the acoustic version much better than the "Band in a Can" file. Just personal preference.

Both arrangements are very cool. Really like the acoustic guitar part, specifically the rhythm during the song (not to take away from the lead work which is also quite good) in the band version. It adds a much more interesting texture.

Peace

James,

Like David said "Both arrangements are very cool."

There seems to be a close similarity to Johnny Cash's "I Walk The Line"
in the first 3 line of the verses which seems to be more prevalent
in the Band Version. Could be because of the bass line.

John

There is to be a close similarity to Johnny Cash's "I Walk The Line"
:lol: Guilty :wink:

Thanks for the listen and post, John.

Thanks MrEWorm and David for the feedback :D

An open mic with a house band, sounds like a cool place!

An open mic with a house band, sounds like a cool place!
It's the coolest!!! :wink: