This is me just getting something out there and playing around with words. There is no music and probably won’t ever be, but if you want an idea as to what I had in my head then listen to this from Missy Higgins. It really needs another verse and given time it may get one, we'll see.
Paul
Version:2
Empty (No Room)
© Copyright 2013 Paul Brady All Rights Reserved
Well it’s empty now guess it was empty then
And I don’t know why I ever let you in
Cos nothing feels more like nothing than this room
You know we’ve already walked through here before
And never once thought to close the door
But I’ve got a feeling this time that’s gonna change
Yeah I’ve got a feeling this time
Yeah I’ve got a feeling its time
Yeah I’m gonna leave this place
And I’ll leave you with nothing in its place
Yeah we came and went thru this waiting room
where friends met friends and left too soon
Made we wonder if it was me you’d come to see
So say what you like I’ll even listen too
but who’s in this room’s not all up to you
Cos in this place its me who holds the key
Yeah I’ve got a feeling this time
Yeah I’ve got a feeling its time
Yeah I’m gonna leave this place
And I’ll leave you with nothing in its place
Yeah I’m gonna leave this place
And I’ll leave you with nothing in its place
Version:1
Empty (No Room)
© Copyright 2013 Paul Brady All Rights Reserved
Well it’s empty now guess it was empty then
And I don’t know why I ever let you in
Cos nothing feels more like nothing than this room
You know we’ve already walked through here before
And never once think to close the door
But I’ve got a feeling this time that’s gonna change
Yeah I’ve got a feeling this time
Yeah I’ve got a feeling its time
Yeah I’m gonna leave this lifeless place
And I’ll leave you with nothing in its place
Yeah we came and went thru this waiting room
where friends met friends and left too soon
Made we wonder if it was me you’d come to see
So say what you like I’ll even listen too
but who’s in this room’s not all up to you
Cos in this place its me who holds the key
Yeah I’ve got a feeling this time
Yeah I’ve got a feeling its time
Yeah I’m gonna leave this lifeless place
And I’ll leave you with nothing in its place
Yeah I’m gonna leave this lifeless place
And I’ll leave you with nothing in its place
Hi Paul,
Good start :D
I like this line
Cos nothing feels more like nothing than this room
----keep the same verb tense here
You know we’ve already walked through here before
And never once THOUGHT to close the door
But I’ve got a feeling this time that’s gonna change
Consider dropping the word "lifeless"
Yeah I’m gonna leave this lifeless place
to
Yeah I’m gonna leave this place
b/c if people are there it's not lifeless and the word seems negative to be repeating; especially with the line of "hope"
"But I’ve got a feeling this time that’s gonna change"
In all, it has a sense of a room/place being a metaphor for the physical world, if that angle works, consider filling in some more concrete details along those lines.
-----I hope to see it develop. Thanks for sharing.
James
Wow Paul, I really like this. Very descriptive. I hope it turns into a song at some point.
Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.
I'll be glad when we get past the "Empty" topic. I suppose next week we will be using "Full".
Not sure about using ".....place....place" for the last words of the chorus lines.
Hi James.
Yeah I’ve got a feeling this time
Yeah I’ve got a feeling its time
Yeah I’m gonna leave this lifeless place
And I’ll leave you with nothing in its place
yes the "lifeless place".... I really wanted to say "empty place" but I knew David would ping me for using the cliche so yes
Yeah I’m gonna leave this place would work.
My intention here was that the room was a metaophor for their relationship.
thanks for the feedback
Paul
Hi Kathy
thanks for the feedback and encouragement, I'm really struggleing to write stuff at the moment.
cheers
Paul
Hi Mr E
Not sure about using ".....place....place" for the last words of the chorus lines.
yes I know what you mean, I was tossing up between using "place" and "space" or combinations therof.
cheers
Paul
Hi Paul,
yes I know what you mean, I was tossing up between using "place" and "space" or combinations therof.
I think you're on to something there.
Yeah I’m gonna leave this lifeless space
And I’ll leave you with nothing in its place
I think that might work really well.
Enjoyed your contribution.
Thanks,
Neil
Thanks Neil yes I think that would work and it does break the cliche rule either
cheers
Paul
