SSG11-Week14 Going Home (The Prodigal Son)
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12146350
================Revised Version 3=====================
They called me Mr. Money as long as I was buying
I overspent the rent to keep the party from dying
Where did all the good times go?
I’m tired feeding pigs; starving for more
Eating the scraps of life off the floor
Where did all the good times go?
Where did they go?
Chorus
I’m going home; spent and broken
I’m going home; though it’s years since we’ve spoken
I’m going home; where I once knew what love was
I’m going home just because I need to
I need to
Home
Home
I’ll beg my father to let me work his land
He’s always been fair to the hired hands
I can’t undo the trouble I’ve done
I smell like the streets and stains of the city
Will he turn his back or take me back out of pity?
Where did all the good years go?
Where did they go?
chorus 2x
==============Revised Version 2=====================
They called me Mr. Money as long as I was buying
I overspent the rent to keep the party from dying
Where did all the good times go?
Where did all the good times go?
I’m tired feeding pigs
Starving for more
Eating the scraps of life off the floor
Where did all the good times go?
Where did all the good times go?
Chorus
I’m going home; spent and broken
I’m going home; though it’s years since we’ve spoken
I’m going home; where I once knew what love was
I’m going home just because
I need to
I need to
Home
Home
I’ll beg my father
To let me work his land
He’s always been fair to the hired hands
I can’t undo the trouble I’ve done
I don’t deserve to be his son
I smell like the streets
And stains of the city
Will he turn his back or take me back out of pity?
Where did all the good years go?
Where did all the good years go?
chorus 2x
===============Revised Version 1=====================
Life was a party
As long as I was buying
But in the end I was left crying
Where did all the good times go?
Where did all the good times go?
I’m tired feeding pigs
Starving for more
Eating the scraps of life off the floor
Where did all the good times go?
Where did all the good times go?
Chorus
I’m going home; spent and broken
I’m going home; though it’s years since we’ve spoken
I’m going home; where I once knew what love was
I’m going home just because
I need to
I need to
Home
Home
I’ll beg my father
To let me work his land
He’s always been fair to the hired hands
I can’t undo the trouble I’ve done
I don’t deserve to be his son
I smell like the streets
And stains of the city
Will he turn his back or take me back out of pity?
Where did all the good years go?
Where did all the good years go?
chorus 2x
================Original Version=======================
It was a good time
As long as I was buying
But in the end I was left crying
Where did all the good times go?
Where did all the good times go?
I’m tired feeding pigs
Always needing more
Eating the scraps of life off the floor
Where did all the good times go?
Where did all the good times go?
Chorus
I’m going home; spent and broken
I’m going home; though it’s years since we’ve spoken
I’m going home; back to where the love was
I’m going home just because
I need to
I need you
Home
Home
I smell like the streets
And stains of the city
Who would believe they once called me pretty
Where did all the good years go?
Where did all the good years go?
I’m too ashamed
To send a message home
If I can make it to the country road
I’ll know it from the look in your eyes
If I’ll tell the truth or a lie
chorus 2x
Hi James
Very nice moodiness to this piece. And it starts out very promising (really like the "where did all the good..." motif throughout)
But try as I might, there's no real sense of why the narrator wants to go home or what makes home special other than the fact that it's not where the character is currently, which he or she obviously abhors. The narrator could have just as easily picked Cheyenne, Wyoming or Portofino, Italy. This narrator is being driven home as opposed to being pulled back. And that's a totally valid reason for making the trip, but it's not a compelling one.
Maybe examining what the "good times / good years" were like might provide some ideas? I honestly don't know.
But it was good to listen to. It's one of your strongest melodies of late (and that's saying a lot!).
Looking forward to more.
Peace
Hi David,
Thanks for the feedback. I wonder if it could be as simple as a title clarification
Going Home (The Prodigal Son)
It's a retelling of one of Jesus' parables. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parable_of_the_Prodigal_Son
I see the problem in that the story culturally doesn't hold much significance to the Western world, but still applies spiritually.
Another angle to try would be "human trafficking" which is quite real these days; in which the singer is trying to get back to safety.
or a similar idea to the Prodigal Son might be The Great Gatsby, but there again, I think a lot would be lost in trying to condense a book into a song.
thinking, thinking, thinking.......
Hi again, James
I think you can still go with the Prodigal Son theme. If I remember correctly, one of the reasons he decides to go home is that his family's servants are living better than he is and so he thinks he can at least raise himself up to their level by going home. That's a great angle to push. Plus, it offers the chance to paint the picture of the good home life where even the servants are happier than where he's currently at.
Just a thought.
Peace
Thanks, David. I'll keep working on a revision.
POOF Changes Made* :mrgreen:
I like the revisions you made. The additional verse about the father fits much better than the previous 4th verse. Very strong melody too. I like the repeated "Where did all the good times go?"
Great work as usual
Hi James,
You're revision is well done. A couple of thoughts . . . .
As long as I was buying
But in the end I was left crying
For me "crying" is too physical an event . . . . . especially after you've done such a great job describing things in a deeper, more impressionistic way. I wonder if you internalize the pain, such as "but in the end my heart was dying" it might give it more meaning.
Too,
Will he turn his back or take me back out of pity?
Great use of the word "back" with two different meanings. This is the part of your writing that I really enjoy.
Thanks,
Neil
Hi jwmartin, John and Neil,
Thanks for the listens and comments :D
For me "crying" is too physical an event
Thanks for the critique. I made a change on the lines.
I'll update the recording as soon as soundclick is working again.
James
Hi James
the revisions work well, nice job :D
Eating the scraps of life off the floor
Great line
cheers
Paul
Thanks, Paul :D
I like how you ended on the isolated word "home" :D
Thanks, Andy :D
