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SSG2 - Week 15 - the song

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(@Anonymous)
New Member
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I feel like I've talked this one to death, and there's not much else to tell.  I still think the bridge is weak, and I'm not completely satisfied with the last verse, but for better or worse, here's how it stands for now:

My Old Man

[V1]
Old man with you hair turned grey,
Sometimes it's kind of hard for me to see you this way,
you stand up slow, and you walk with a cane,
your license plate numbers you as one of the lame,
but when I look in your eyes I find no weakness at all,
You're standing ten feet tall,
My Old Man's ten feet tall.

[V2]
When I was a boy no one was bigger than you,
the strongest man in town and the smartest one too.
Whatever problems I had, when I brought them to you,
you could always fix it, you knew just what to do,
And in the eyes of a boy you had no weakness at all,
You stood up ten feet tall
My Old Man was ten feet tall.

[V3]
When I hit sixteen no one was dumber than you.
You said you understood me but you hadn't a clue,
what it was like to be me always looking to you,
I knew I'd never measure up whatever I'd do
'cause though I didn't let on, I saw no weakness at all,
you still stood ten feet tall,
My old man was ten feet tall.

[bridge]

When I tuck in my kids,
I wonder what's on their minds,
When they look at their Old Man,
is it weakness they find?
Have I told them I love them?
Do they know that I care?
When it's my turn to age,
Are they going to be there?

[V4]
You've done a lot of things right, your mistakes are few,
and no one questioned your motives - you were always true,
If anyone tells me I remind them of you,
I'll know I finally managed to live up to
the example of a man who showed no weakness at all,
My Old Man's ten feet tall,
You still stand ten feet tall.


   
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(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago
Posts: 0
 

This is a wonderful song Scratch. It makes me want to know your dad. He sounds alright. I'll agree with you that the bridge is a tad weak. It doesn't hit the sentimental buttons like the verses do.

Here's my take on it

When I tuck in my kids
I wonder what's on their minds
Do they look at their Old man
The way I looked at mine
Have I told them that I love them?
I try to every day
When they get to my age
Will they look back and say...

Go to fourth verse and everything sorta goes full circle. That's a rough idea anyway. Good song though.

-Marv


   
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(@beren)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 72
 

Yeah Scratch I really like the song. I think Marv's rewritten bridge helps pull it together though and turn it from a poem into something really singable.
Beren

I'm one too many mornings and a thousand miles behind


   
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 Bob
(@bob)
Noble Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 908
 

Hi scratch

Great song puts me in mind of my Dad and I (particularly at 16). Marv's bridge puts the finishing touches on a great song.

Good stuff

Bob :)

My Soundclick Page

You are what you eat, eat well


   
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(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago
Posts: 0
 

Thanks guys,

And here's my vote for the revised bridge.  It hits exactly where I was aiming.  - Thanks Marv!

Scratch


   
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(@jamir)
Honorable Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 434
 

When do we get to hear it Scratch, I for one am looking forward to it, you write such great stuff, but I've never heard any of them
:-[

go well
Ja'mir

I am a cloud within a cloud http://www.justjamir.com

you can hear my songs at :

http://www.mp3.com.au/artist.asp?id=21709


   
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