David's song got me to thinking; thinking about a diner, a minimalist drum rhythm using brushes, and a simple bass guitar riff... It's got a jazz feel in four, with the vocal starting on the second beat of each bar. The eighth line of each verse runs into the 9th, which serves as a one line chorus.
Title: Eat at Joe's
Ham and eggs
and give me coffee.
I'll rest my legs
in the corner there.
Me and my lady
rest her soul,
always sat here.
Watch the world go
by (eat at Joe's)
Harry the waiter
came on the boat.
Worked his ticket,
never went home.
His tips are good
He's warm and dry.
Gets cheap food.
Watch the world go
by (eat at Joe's)
Mary works late shift
into the night.
Saving for Condo,
lower east side.
Tired and stressy,
ready to cry.
Hair tied back messy,
watch the world go
by (eat at Joe's)
Cold Sunday morning.
Chill in the air.
Joe's in the kitchen.
Lifeless stare.
Too old for the fast track,
too young to die.
Should have just sat back.
Watch the world go
by (eat at Joe's)
"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk
Thiis is brilliant, Alan. With the bass & brushes this just sounds great. (at least in my head) I hear it in a very low voice, a'la Fred Eaglesmith, or Leo Kottke. I can't find any thing to suggest or critique, which always makes me uncomfortable, since that's what we're supposed to do, but it's just really good.
-- Scratch 8)
-- Scratch 8)
"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42
Yeah, this has a cool rhythm to it. I like the last verse best, especially the line:
Too old for the fast track,
too young to die.
But I think you did a great job of describing the characters.
I can almost hear this playing in my head - very atmospheric! Tom Waits springs to mind......I think your lyrics are great, d'you have to work on them and revise? I really hate changing mine once written......Virtually everything I've ever written is almost exactly the way I originally heard it in my mind.......
Tiny criticism, why did you have to set it in an American diner........we do have restaurants in England.....Bob's done the same thing.......
OK, a song about the M5 doesn't have the same romanticism about it as say, Route 66.......but one of the first things I ever learned about songwriting was "Write about what you know"......and if you ain't been there and ain't done that, don't bother....I'm not criticising the songs, they're beautifully written and observed .....
Just saying, set them in your home town.......makes it far more realistic.....I can get a far better feeling for a song by making it personal....about someone or somewhere I know well......
that's England ......if you've been to America and been in American diners then please feel free to ignore me.......otherwise, why write a song about the other side of the world when there is so much to observe on our own doorsteps?
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
It's a valid comment, Vic. Where to set a song is always a big question. I think the States has far more scenarios to trawl than the UK. And, no, I've never been there.
I could have set the scene in Fatboy's Diner in London, but it closes about 30 minutes after the last workaholic goes home, so at 10 p.m. there's nothing left to write - they don't have a late shift for Mary to work, and you sure wouldn't find many like Joe working himself so hard all hours of the day to make a living that he doesn't have time for a life.
Writing it in Basildon wouldn't have helped much - "Mehmet's in the kitchen" doesn't work half as well, and most of the table staff are spotty oiks with no personality. The thought of the Darren and Lisa brigade working, let alone working their passage, is almost laughable. Can you imagine:
Lisa and Darren
got a 320i.
Can't pay insurance
or tax it to drive.
Bacardi and lager
their staple diet.
Collapse in the corner,
watch the world go
by (eat at "Poppins")
Poppins Restaurant is the "chips with everything" cafe by the doors at Eastgate, Basildon's shopping centre, and I've no idea if they've got a Lisa or a Darren working there.
A :-)
"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk
FWIW -- Vic, I didn't pick up any reference to a location, other than "Lower East Side", as far as I could tell, could be Chicago, New York, LA, Paris, London, Stuttgart, Cape Town, Sydney... etc... Lots of places have lower east sides. What else about the song made it distinctly American to you? Because I thought it was pretty universal. IOW, that it could have been set in virtually any country. There's no town named here, or any road, or any clue as to where it's set. How did you know it was in America? clearly you were right, but I'm just not seeing it.
-- Scratch 8)
-- Scratch 8)
"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42
hey alan,
great song with wonderful imagery. i like the fact that there is no chorus, just the repeat of the last two lines of each verse.
unlike scratch i do have something to critique about this song. the one thing that kinda bothers me about it is that it just ends. there is no closure or a wrap up something to bring the characters together in some way. just a suggestion.
-CheapThrill
here is an addition to my last reply.
i wanted to comment about alan's little verse about the british diner. i personally really like it. it is a bit light and commical but i works for me. i would love to see the rest of that song. who cares of there is a lisa and/or darren working there. you are just a song writer not a journalist. you can make up what ever you want.
-CheapThrill
