Well, this is hardly a finished piece. I'm not content with it. It doesn't really address the assignment for this week, because it doesn't really describe the characters very well. But time got away from me this week, and here it is Saturday already. So this is what I was able to piece together for this week. Probably needs another verse. Also need to tighten it up so it meets the assignment. But here it is anyways. See what you think.
THE ESQUIRE BARBER SHOP
=======================
[V1]
Sam came in
sat in the chair
told Tom exactly
how he wanted his hair
though in 40 years
his style ain't changed at all
Said he saw Roy
down at the market
told him he's gettin
pretty good on the targets
Bet he still won't bag
a single duck this fall.
[chorus]
If you're feeling shaggy
or fancy a shave
maybe you'd just like a friendly wave
stop in every couple weeks
ten bucks a pop
In this town every mother's son
knows who you are
and they know what you've done
'cause they hear it at
the Esquire Barber Shop.
[V2]
Tom said he talked
to Milicent Jones
still having trouble
with her kidney stones
and her boy took a job
with some firm up in St. Paul.
Roy said he saw
the Olafson twins
in the gravel lot
behind the Dew Drop Inn
he believed those boys
were up to no good at all.
[chorus]
If you're feeling shaggy
or fancy a shave
maybe you'd just like a friendly wave
stop in every couple weeks
ten bucks a pop
In this town every mother's son
knows who you are
and they know what you've done
'cause they hear it at
the Esquire Barber Shop.
-- Scratch 8)
-- Scratch 8)
"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42
I'm left wanting more, Scratch - needs a final verse methinks.
If I go a coupla weeks without a shave I look a mess - wanna cut that down to "drop by in a coupla days" or something like that?
Best,
A :-)
"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk
Good point, Alan.
probably goes back to that "Write what you know" axiom Vic mentioned. Look at my avatar vs. yours! On this side of the pond, I don't think there are any barbers left who will give a shave. At least none around here. I'll add that line to the ones that still need re-worked. And you're right, it still needs a closing.
Thanks,
-- Scratch 8)
-- Scratch 8)
"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42
Tom said he talked
to Milicent Jones
still having trouble
with her kidney stones
Mmmm... pleasant thought. :wink:
I'll agree, it probably could use another verse, but altogether good.
Yeah, I'd love to see the finished article - definitely left me wanting more - and I like the way you set it in the barber's shop, nice slant on the assignment.......
If I went 2 weeks without a shave I'd look like a hedgehog/porcupine caught in a snowstorm - that's why the beard and moustache had to go......
I would've thought, though, that someone who went in a barber's shop for a shave would be because it had to be perfect for some reason - doesn't matter how hard I dig at my chin, there's always a bit left somewhere - I once treated myself to a shave in a barber's shop, it was smooth as silk by the time he'd finished, and not a drop of blood shed - I need a transfusion if I leave it more than 2 days.........
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
