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SSG2 - Week 47 - Mad Rain

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(@alterego)
Estimable Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 83
Topic starter  

alright, here's my take at this week's theme. this is just my second ssg song. the last time (which was pretty long ago) was outta place but hope this one fits in. all critcisms are welcome...(edited the subject, hope that'll bring in the comments :roll: )

mad rain

switched on the radio
heard heaven's voice
a storm is on your way
hide, you got no choice
stalled the car, came out
the assembly line beauty
to gaze at the grey horizon
a turmoil so pretty

she's a roaring wonder
a sweet angry thunder
but she no more needs to cry
she was a roaring wonder
a sweet angry thunder
in time i'll tell you why

the face behind the radio
is still going on
its calm detached smoothness
by the static it is torn
and now i feel the rain
nailing down my skin
so i pull out the cold beauty
the soaking red queen

she's a roaring wonder
a sweet angry thunder
but she no more needs to cry
she was a roaring wonder
a sweet angry thunder
i did it for her this time

i leave her by the wet fields
oh heaven!, here's my gift
all my pain, my sacrifice
hope you make it swift

there comes the roaring wonder
a sweet angry thunder
my stained rear view mirror
reflects the beauty plundered (or says things are really closer)

the face behind the radio
finds its voice again
its still calm but tired
"...now we've got mad rain..."

http://poemasmuertos.blogspot.com/


   
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(@sozay)
Estimable Member
Joined: 22 years ago
Posts: 173
 

nice stuff alterego,
love the way you describe the voice on the radio at the start and end of the song (heavens voice...face finds its voice) and i like the (i assume)chorus too
'she was a roaring wonder
a sweet angry thunder'

the only thing, was the line at the end of the first chorus
"in time i'll tell you why"
and then reading thru the song, i dont feel i am told why 'shes a roaring wonder/sweet angry thunder' could just be me not reading into it deep enough. otherwise mabe change that last line, as it kinda of feels like a 'throw-away' line if you know what i mean.

nice stuff
sozay

currently number 60 in total posts... and shooting for number 1!!


   
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(@cheapthrill)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 224
 

hey alterego,

seems like a nice song. although i do have to admit that i don't totally understand it. :oops: there is nice imagery here. it may be the fact that i am extra tired this week or something but there have been a few songs that i haven't been able to really "get" this week so far.
so i pull out the cold beauty
the soaking red queen but she no more needs to cry
she was a roaring wonder
a sweet angry thunder
i did it for her this time i leave her by the wet fields
oh heaven!, here's my gift
all my pain, my sacrifice
hope you make it swift i totally feel bad, and it is usually just me that doesn't get it. i read these lines.. :? ....and i am thinking "huh?" i don't understand, and i do want to. i am sure once i hear it i will think to myself "duh, i am such an idiot" that is usually the case.
as far as the word choice and the flow, the song is good.

i feel bad for not getting it. :( please don't let what i have said deture you from writting. or make you feel bad about your song. hopefully the next one will click for me.

-CheapThrill


   
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(@alterego)
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Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 83
Topic starter  

awright, thx sozay and thrill for looking in. heh heh, seems i've been succesful enough to keep this song as vague as possible. well, its a story of this guy, crazy guy if i might add, who murders his girl friend and thinks the best way to get rid of the body is to leave it in the fields for the storm to devour.... throughout the song, the storm is a metaphor for his troubled/doomed relationship with his gf and it also stands for the girl friend's nature maybe, who might have been a hothead and the constant bickering kind to drive this man crazy.

soaking red queen - the blood drenched body of the girl
the sacrifice part - he's twisted enough to believe that its his sacrifice though its his gf who lost her life to this mad bugger (which reflects in the line "i did it for her this time"
in time i'll tell you why - though he tries to tell the listener why she was a roaring angry... and no longer is its left a lil vague and open to interpretations. again reflects his instabilty as to not keeping his promise to the listeners/readers of telling them why... again, if its a throw-away line, no probs. lets see how it develops.
hope that clears the issues before this week's theme begins
:D

http://poemasmuertos.blogspot.com/


   
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(@cheapthrill)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 224
 

hey ego,

i was kinda thinking from a few of the lines if this song was about some kind of killing. but i thought that i must be reading it wrong. but i never figured out the whole story. thanks for telling us the story behind this song.

-CheapThrill


   
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(@vic-lewis-vl)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 10264
 

Yeah, I needed the story behind the song so it totally made sense....got the basic gist, at first, then you lost me about 1/2 way.......you ever make an album, you're going to be writing a lot of liner notes!!!

a bit too subtle for us mere mortals!!!

having said that though, once I got the storyline, it all became clear.....flows well, nice and snappy,.......you kept us all guessing with this one!!!!

The lyrics seem a bit stiff in a couple of places, as if you're trying to force a rhyme.......

"but she no more needs to cry"
"by the static it is torn ",

but then again I've no idea what sort of music you're going to put to this...they'll work for certain styles/genres, but not for others.....

Anyway all in all, good song, vivid images.....just needs a little tidying up...

:) :) :)

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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(@alterego)
Estimable Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 83
Topic starter  

hey vic and thrill, thx for the comments again.
by the static it is torn is to say that the radio's interuppted. fortunately for me it rhymed too! anyway, thx pals for your time :D

http://poemasmuertos.blogspot.com/


   
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