Hey all, I started writting a song from scratch for this week's assignment when I realised that I had already written part of a chorus and a few lines of a verse that fit the theme. I've included the completely original song that I started in tiny print below for posterity, but my submission for this week is Tragedy.
Tragedy
Slow down, watch the sun set on a perfect day
We'll never see it shine this way again,
Fire ripping through the clouds like scissors
Making holes where my face used to be
Hold down, my head below the water's surface
I'll pay the price to lift this bloody curse
If you'll breathe life back into flooded lungs
At least we'd have some face time 'til I revive
How can we avoid this trajedy
When all the actors quit the stage
Left alone in the dusty spot light
Lord, I hate soliloques
Hoe down, square dance with your cruel intentions
Wall flower, couldn't break in if I dared to
You lead, step on my toes if you like
Just free a slow dance for us before we say good-night
Roll on, tumble weed what you reduce to
Dried out, tangled ball of former bouquets
Somewhere past your teeth a smile waits to save to day
If you would speak into the scene in which I have no lines
Feeling scripted
You don't have to read those lies
No conviction
Can I ask for one more try
How can we avoid this trajedy
When all the actors quit the stage
Left alone in the dusty spot light
Lord, I hate soliloques
All the World's a Stage
Just around the corner from broadway
Half a world away
Ink well spewing out tired lines
Well's run dry how will we feed the children?
2nd floor apartment
Dirt floor, mud brick, drafty, leaky, shanty
Writing jingles to pay the rent
Scratching rock hard soil
Reaching for a raison d'etre to give the page
Searching for motive to leave the hut today
All the world's a stage
Spotlight falls let your light shine
All the world's a cage
Getting comfortable in your confines
All the world's a grave
We've seen better days
Life is what it is
Face it with me
Into the 'come what may'.
Ice cream is a dish best served cold.
SlowPlay
I like both alot.
The chorus on Tradgedy is GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How can we avoid this trajedy
When all the actors quit the stage
Left alone in the dusty spot light
Lord, I hate soliloques
It's not easy to use a word like "soliloques "so well
I like to know what you had in mind musically for this
Seems to me that All the World's a Stage
would cover week 35 as well.
Hey Slowplay,
yeah I like both of these too. Personally I prefer the first one, I like the parallel's that you draw.
In Tragedy I think the chorus is very good. My first comment is that I'm not sure I understand what its about. My take on it is it's about a lover who is about to, or has just been jilted ?
The second point is that because I really like the poetic nature of the lines you've written throughout the song this line:
At least we'd have some face time 'til I revive
for me the "face time" detracts a bit cos it's a little common in comparison to the rest.
Overall a good job here :D .
pb
Thanks guys,
The Celt,
I like to know what you had in mind musically for this
I finally got around to recording it. The vocals aren't all that clear, but it'll give you an idea of what I was thinking. (I think I should have used a capo. :D ):
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/3/growland_music.htm
Pbee,
for me the "face time" detracts a bit cos it's a little common in comparison to the rest.
You're right. Unfortunately for me, the line as it is communicates exactly what I wanted. So for now I'm thinking:
If you'll breathe life back into flooded lungs
At least I taste your lips 'til I revive
It's not as accurate, but it fits the song better. I'll have to keep an open eye for a line that will do both. BTW, I've recorded the song with the new version of that line.
Ice cream is a dish best served cold.
Pbee,
In Tragedy I think the chorus is very good. My first comment is that I'm not sure I understand what its about. My take on it is it's about a lover who is about to, or has just been jilted ?
Thanks. Yeah, it could be about that. I was just intending it to be about an argument where one lover is refusing to come to the table, as it were. But that would apply perfectly to getting jilted, where the other lover out-and-out declares that they're never coming to the table.
Ice cream is a dish best served cold.
SlowPlay
Very nice Mp3. I like the vocals it gives it a certain moodiness.
Celt
