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(@karla)
Estimable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 137
Topic starter  

Hey all
Here's my contribution for this week. I've been playing with this assignment quite long, but I really can't work with a concept or something like that. I've tried to make some sort of concept, but it just doesn't work for me.
About an hour ago, I got this sudden rush of inspiration and wrote this song. Initially I wanted to write about someone trying to get their life back on track after some serious problem. Wasn't too sure about what kind of problem, I thought I'd end up with a broken heart again anyway. But then I started browsing through some pictures I posted on my webspace and this lyrics just bumped into my head. The only rule I tried to keep, is using some scheme: starting and ending every verse with you. Don't even know why hehe
Maybe I'll get to record it tonight, if so I'll post a link here :D

Narcis
You keep staring at those pictures
As if they will help you
Coping with the rest of your life
You're living a lie

You've fallen in love with yourself
And don't even realise it
Finding love won't be a problem
You think you're the beauty

Smash the mirror
Tear those pictures
Stop the narcism
Start with realism

You gaze at the whole world
But refuse to see a thing
Looking only at yourself
You just don't give a damn

You think everybody loves you
If only for your outer beauty
Ignoring everything else
You live an empty life

Smash the mirror
Tear those pictures
Stop the narcism
Start with realism

You should wake up little girl
And open those pretty eyes
Learn about the true beauty
You hide so deep inside


   
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 pbee
(@pbee)
Noble Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2096
 

Hey Karla,
This is good. I like the hook you've got going in there
Stop the narcism
Start with realism
Could be a bit tricky to sing though.
I got this sudden rush of inspiration and wrote this song.
That's really interesting, some of my favourite songs have been written that way, I guess by definition you can't manage and control, creativity.
This line:
You have fallen in love with yourself
When phrased this way seems a bit formal, so you could use
You've fallen in love with yourself
Or
You fell in love with yourself
Either would be fine.
The last verse completes the song nicely, well done :D

Cheers
Paul


Check out my Reverbnation page here


   
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(@karla)
Estimable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 137
Topic starter  

Thanks for your comment :)
I've changed that you've fallen in love with yourself line
You're right about the singing though, I don't really know how to sing it, not only that lines you mention but the song as a whole. But I'll think about that. Part of the process too huh!


   
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(@manontheside)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 179
 

I agree with pbee on the narcism/realism part, sounds like a challenge to find the right way to sing it. Now, I'm the kind of guy that would rather use the imagery from the story behind the word instead of the direct word there. This would, of course, ruin the entire flow and also the impact of the message given. But it's a good story, though, don't you think?

My thoughts on the last verse; it's a bit optimistic, I don't know if that is intended. This is probably just nitpicking (if that's the word...) I would suggest changing the last line to "that soundly sleeps inside". It's probably how I read it and me misunderstanding or just my pessimistic nature. To me, "you hide so deep inside" means intentionally hiding beauty, though to me, it seems the shallow people of the world couldn't care less about inner beauty. Therefore mye suggestion, because all humans are good, no? Beauty is there, it just isn't active.. (err.. active beauty... I'm laughing at myself now, I'd better stop)

Anyhey, I hope you figure out a way to sing it, I'd love to hear you

Good luck!

:)man

"I wish there was an over the counter test for my loneliness"


   
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(@karla)
Estimable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 137
Topic starter  

That last verse seems a bit paradoxal indeed. But yeah seems to fit in in what I wanted to write. For example, all these girls wearing way too little, if you watch some rap/hiphop vids you'll know what I mean... I just can't imagine they're happy with that. Maybe they're just being that way because it's a trend. So they kinda hide who they are, just to be a part of the main stream things going on. Meaning that I'm as optimistic as to think they'll discover what they're doing and start being more who they are and less what the trends are. Or something like that :?
Just to give an example, it's not really about those girls.. You get what I mean I hope =P


   
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 geoo
(@geoo)
Famed Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2801
 

I liked the last verse. There were very few that didnt fit for me when I was playing along with it yesterday. I didnt think I was going to like the chorus and narcism was difficult for me to sing but it worked well with the way I was playing it.

There were a few words that didnt fit for me but it is probably just a matter of how different people will stress words differently.

I'm interested in hearing it. Would like to see if it sounds anything like what I was playing.

Geoo

“The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn” - David Russell (Scottish classical Guitarist. b.1942)


   
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