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SSG3:4 "Plato's Cave"

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(@mikem)
Trusted Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 45
Topic starter  

While I was Christmas shopping, I stopped at the coffee beanery for a nice cup of Latte and decided to go sit on one of the benches outside of the coffee shop.

"Plato's Cave"

Sittin on a park bench ... middle of a hall
In a place they call ... the shopping mall
Looking at the world … through Rose colored glass
Hangin on the wall … entrance to the JC Penny store
ISPEP reads the glass … What's the meaning of it all?

Everything dreamlike … Surreal you might say
It all appears normal … in some abnormal twisted way
Hey, there's another person … sittin on a bench across the way
He looks a lot like me … it must be my personal reality
ISPEP reads the glass … What's the meaning of it all?

People walk past me … suspended somehow in air
The water from the fountain ... shoots holes in concrete floor
Sittin on this park bench ... wondering what the hell is going on?
Have I died … permanently condemned to this mall hall
ISPEP reads the glass … What's the meaning of it all?

I hear the sound of voices ... but no one's talking to me
The words sound familiar ... some get stuck in a fir tree
Hey, there he is again ... staring right back at me
But there's no park bench … that I see in front of me
ISPEP reads the glass … What's the meaning of it all?

I must seem simple … appear like a fool
Sittin on a park bench … in the middle of a hall in the mall
Looking at the world … through a Rose colored mirror
Hangin on the wall … entrance of the JC Penny store
ISPEP reads the glass … What's the meaning of it all?

Well, that's it, I thought I'd have a little fun with this one.
Maybe something on the line of John Prine's "Jesus the missing years"

"Don't get trapped by the tyranny of four" Rikky Rooksby


   
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(@sarah)
Eminent Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 26
 

I like the idea behind this one. Malls at Christmas time often seems surreal to me as well. And the pattern is kinda Seuss-ish, which adds well to the surreal theme.

I got hung up on the rhyming pattern here. My ear was expecting a consistent rhyming pattern for the four lines before the "ISPEP" line in each verse.

Also, I'm not sure about "park bench". I'm not sure if people with think that a park bench is a bench in a park or a specific kind of bench that is common in parks. Just a thought.

Good work! :)


   
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(@gjbrake)
Reputable Member
Joined: 22 years ago
Posts: 235
 

It's good!

I particularly liked 'The water from the fountain ... shoots holes in concrete floor' - good stuff there.

I liked the idea in the last verse too - 'I must seem simple … appear like a fool' - maybe you could draw that idea out and make it the focus of the lyric? It just seems a little aimless at the moment.

Other than that (tiny, miniscule) criticism, it's all good!

G

Listen Louder Than You Play


   
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(@scratchmonkey)
Honorable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 603
 

Hi Mike,

Clever approach. I like it. I was hung up on the ISPEP line for a while, til I figured out what it was. (a bit slow on the uptake this week) Same place I like to be when I can't avoid going to the mall. Good work.

-- Scratch 8)

-- Scratch 8)


"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42


   
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(@taintedpoet)
Eminent Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 27
 

Now I feel really smart, I didn't get the ISPEP thing until I read scratchs relpy im just naturally always slow and somtimes dont get there. I liked your song it made me thing of the CHAOS of holiday shoping because sometimes you broke your rhyme scheme and sometimes you flowed it was a little difficult to imagin what music would go good with this but im really bad at writing music to lyrics. Good song though.

No words no explination just music


   
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(@vic-lewis-vl)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 10264
 

Er....slight problem here....no, I don't get the ISPEP reference, so the point of the song is pretty much lost....perhaps you could educate this thick brit then I'd understand the song?

Vic.

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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(@smokindog)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 5345
 

I like the park bench in the midle of the hall. it seems to be misplaced, like the person sitting on it. any way that was my take on it. 8) The only thing is, i don't get the "ISPEP" referaence either :oops:( the yank is a bit thick also)LOL, but i like the general feel of it. --the dog

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(@taintedpoet)
Eminent Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 27
 

God now I feel better ISPEP=Pepsi (the cola)

No words no explination just music


   
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