SSG3W32 - Quick Sketch

I don't know why, but I like this, it's sort of mysterious (or maybe I'm sort of dense), but I find it both allusive and elusive. WHat's the music like?

thanks doc, i kindof envisage it as elliott smith style lush guitar pop... lol

...so.... is this just too vague then?

I might be drawing a long bow here, but the rhythms and the repetitions remind me of a poem by Paul Celan, called Deathfugue. You should be able to find it on the net, if you do, get the translation by John Felstiner. I'd hate to give the impression that I know anything about translations from German poetry, but this is the first one I read, so I like it the most, the way your favourite version of a song is usually the first one you hear.

This might mean nothing to you, but it's offered for what it's worth. I personally don't mind inscrutable lyrics as long as they aren't pretentious, which these most certainly are not. I often wish I could write those sorts of lyrics, but I can't...

Hope this is useful as feedback
Cheers
JMcC

Hey sozay,

It “might not set the world on fire” but there's a neat technique in here that I really like, and that's the way you've mixed the “So he goes” in the last bit – cool. I think it is a bit vague though; I'm not sure where he's going, so to speak. If the story is about an unfinished sketch and the way it calls out to be finished, then I think there's more to the story that your not telling us , but that's what Id like to hear. There's real potential here in my opinion, good work :D .

pb

"wants to be finished" can be read in two ways, and that perhaps hold the key to where he wants to go. lol, my answer is even moer vauge than the lyric...

"wants to be finished" can be read in two ways

agreed. But I think the song needs to put me in the frame, so to speak.

pb

well, initally instead of "so he goes" i had a 'chorus' of

And so he'll be leaving soon
To fly over the moon
With the help of the spoon

which twists a nursery rhyme into a pseudo drug reference that began with 'pinned up in the corner'... but i thought that chorus sounded a bit daft. and i dont know that that really clarifies thaaat much

soz

Mabye use that as a bridge then, with a little tweaking and mabye a couple more lines.

I actually heard Elliott Smith singing this as I read it, so your on track there. :D