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SSG4.13

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Karla
(@karla)
Estimable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 137
Topic starter  

Go easy on me lads (and lasses ;))
Been out of the (songwriting)running quite a while... Seem to have forgotten quite a lot about writing a flowing song and all... Maybe I'll try to record it on friday. But here are the lyrics already for you to shoot at :D

Fading Vision
Your everyday life seems anything but boring
Even though you do nothing but read and meet
Busy are your days filled with appointments
Alone you are never though lonely you are

You stumble out of one or another office
Tired of all the games and wickedness
There is not a single person to rely on
If you don't have any one to trust

You are a politician
But who do you trust
When will your vision
Crumble to dust?

Some say you should trust your own
You know it is only power they want
And decide not to give in but join the game
Blind you are along the way of change

Desperate you are to stand your ground
And slowly adapt your ways to theirs
The you who once was, seems lost for good
Your life has changed you unknowingly

You are a politician
No one you trust
Your utopian vision
Has crumbled to dust


   
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David Hodge
(@davidhodge)
Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 4472
 

Hi Karla

There are a lot of interesting ideas here - the loneliness of someone holding to the higher ground, for instance - but I think some of it gets lost in the delivery. You might want to take a moment and just simplify things a tad. That might even help you out in getting back your "flow."

The first verse, for instance:

Your everyday life seems anything but boring
Even though you do nothing but read and meet
Busy are your days filled with appointments
Alone you are never though lonely you are

Could be just as powerful with a little trimming and more of a focus:

You're never alone, never bored
Every moment of each day is filled
Appointments and meetings dinners and readings
You're never alone but you're lonely still

or something like that.

I like the ideas you've got and I hope that you get a chance to record this. Looking forward to hearing it and reading more from you.

Peace


   
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katreich
(@katreich)
Prominent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 686
 

I also have a little problem with " ALONE YOU ARE NEVER, BUT LONELY YOU ARE"
Actually, as I type it out, and say it out loud, I like it more and more, but I don't think it fits here, as David pointed out. But I'd definitely save that line and use it again.

Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.

www.soundclick.com/kathyreichert


   
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P0RR
 P0RR
(@p0rr)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 141
 

nice to see you jumping back in, good job with this.


   
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Karla
(@karla)
Estimable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 137
Topic starter  

Thanx for your comments guys :)
I think I'll keep the idea but try to rewrite it, in an easier way. I figured I'd try to use some more complex English for a change, found all my songs rather easy when rereading them... Easy as in short sentences, not much "difficult" words etc... But I guess simplicity ain't that bad!


   
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Celt
 Celt
(@celt)
Famed Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2649
 

Karla,

Nice to see you around again.

Not much to add to the good advice you have
already been given.

Good Job

John

My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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