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SSG4.14 The Distance (?)

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Karla
(@karla)
Estimable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 137
Topic starter  

The idea is of someone in a relationship, feeling the distance between the two is getting large… And wondering whether he/she should stay or go…

I've put something kinda like a title above it, but I'm not happy with that...

I'm open for all comments and suggestions =D

The distance
You there, up on your moon
Do I know you?
You there, so lonely high
Do you know me?

Should I get wings
And fly free as a bird
To get close to you
Or should I fly away?

You there, on your island
Do I know you?
You there, on that beach
Do you know me?

Should I get fins
And swim fast as a fish
To get close to you
Or should I swim away?

You there, in your forest
Do I know you?
You there, under those trees
Do you know me?

Should I get claws
And fight my way trough
To get close to you
Or should I back away

You there, in front of me
Do I know you?
You there, looking this way
Do you know me?

Should I be stubborn,
And act like a mule
To stay close to you
Or should I let you go?


   
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Karla
(@karla)
Estimable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 137
Topic starter  

I've uploaded an MP3 of it to my soundclick.

But as to warn you on forehand: the regs may have noticed I've been away for a while - in that time I barely practised on my guitar, while my skills weren't that high already...

It's just so you have an idea of the flow and such... I'm not happy with the recording, but I'm curious to see if you guys have the same problems with it =D

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=380008


   
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Celt
 Celt
(@celt)
Famed Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2649
 

Hey Karla

I like the song and there seems some scratching sound
on the recording. But the guitar sounds good and I
like the way you use your voice on this.

I'm not sure about the line And fly free as a bird

That gives me the feeling of flying away not to.

Some suggestions

And fly swift as a bird

or

And fly high as a bird

or maybe

And soar like a bird

Just my thoughts

John

My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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Karla
(@karla)
Estimable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 137
Topic starter  

thanx for your reply, I'm gonna change that line, the swift as a bird fits indeed!

As for the recording, for me it's just too much repetition, but I was too tired to make something different to go along with it... And I can't keep the rhythm :S But yeah, it's functional to show ya how I meant it :)


   
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BarnaBus RoX
(@barnabus-rox)
Famed Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2957
 

Hi

I like the recording , there were some very weird and wonderful noises in it when I listened to it but I think it added to it , like birds in the back ground . Actually if you could get some recordinds of birds chirping in the back ground and play this again I think it would really add to the whole song and set a lovely mood .

Apart from what The Celt said I have nothing else to offer

Hilch

Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


   
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