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SSG4.2 Still titleless...

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Karla
(@karla)
Estimable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 137
Topic starter  

I've written two sets of lyrics this time, each based upon a picture. The first one is inspired by a picture I took at the cliffs of Moher in Ireland. The second one is strangely based on a picture of my grandma and her sisters… I was browsing through my pictures to see which one to write about (when doing it, it seemed that I could write about every single one them...) but when looking at this one I started thinking. My grandma sings a lot, she says she would've been a singer if she'd lived 50 years later, that she always used to sing acapella with her sisters but that women weren't allowed to be professional singers in her environment back then. So I started thinking bout fading dreams and such... With the second lyric as result. I'm not completely happy with either one but I'm a bit stuck I guess. I could also use a little help with titles…
Last comment on my side. Again, no rhyme. I find it hard to rhyme without sounding forced. That might be because of a small English vocabulary or maybe a wrong pronunciaton. So yeah, you'll have to do without rhyme...


A golden sunset in a deep blue sky
Calm water touching the shores
Remainders of an ancient castle
Looking out to distant lands

That castle seems to be evergreen
To be explored by many people
But never to give away secrets
Those will remain inside

Nosy people will always drop by
They will leave their marks behind
Later even more will come
To see those older marks

The castle will remain unchanged
As a glory of days gone by
With so many stories to tell
Yet no one to hear

Under a pale moon in a dark night
Safely hidden under a mist
Someone might get very close
To unveiling bits of the past

Every stone, however how small
Make the castle what it is
They can't be seen in just one look
And need some more time

Time there is plenty for the castle
Yet not for people passing by
So here it'll remain
Solely on it's cliff


You had the wildest dreams
But couldn't live them
War was raging over
And made you forget

Wars don't last forever
Yet stay alive for long
It gave you memories
Equally good and bad

Those dreams of you
Where have they gone?
You could taste them
Smell them and even hear them
Look at what's left

Those memories are there
Telling you to live
You know that many can't
But still you doubt

Those dreams of you
Where have they gone?
You could taste them
Smell them and even hear them
Look at what's left

Faded dreams and past days
Yet now you are
Children you have
Can dreams change?

Children get older
And again for you
Everything changes
Dreams don't last


   
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Bish
 Bish
(@bish)
Famed Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 3636
 

Wow, have you got some great material.

I don't have anything good, bad or indifferent to offer.

You must have some great photos to use for inspiration.

That castle pix is awesome. It almost looks like you took that from the view from my castle. :wink: :wink:

Bish

"I play live as playing dead is harder than it sounds!"


   
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Celt
 Celt
(@celt)
Famed Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2649
 

Karla,

Two good songs. I do feel they could use some rhyme
the verses seem to end a little abruptly for my taste.
You already explained that and I understand and in the
right musical setting it could work.

A couple of title suggestions

Song 1 Sunset Castle

That is the image I get from the photo. Of course I could
be wrong and it could be Sunrise.

Song 2 How about naming it for your Grandmother
Just her first name or maybe there is a nick name
that you call her.

Just some Ideas.

John

My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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lotto king
(@lotto-king)
Prominent Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 777
 

If your having trouble with english try this site :

http://www.rhymezone.com/r/rhyme.cgi?Word=banana&typeofrhyme=perfect&org1=syl&org2=l

works for me

Aghhhh

Not only am I a senior citizen

I'm now a bloody senior member

Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?

over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )


   
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Vic Lewis VL
(@vic-lewis-vl)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 10264
 

The first song struck me as kind of a mood piece, softly spoken words over gentle acoustic guitars...lyrics are very descriptive, the imagery fits the photo perfectly....

Second song I'm not quite sure about yet (I looked at the photos before reading the songs) I'd have gone in a totally different direction....lyrics are fine, but not sure they fit that particular photo....but I suppose that's the great thing about this forum, different people see things in different ways...

Anyway, doesn't matter an awful lot about the lack of a rhyme scheme....both songs read well, and that's the important thing....

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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pbee
 pbee
(@pbee)
Noble Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2096
 

Hi Karla,
2 good songs here to my mind. My favourite would be the first one I think. :D
In the second photo I notice that a man has covered his face with his hands, there might be a story in that too.

cheers
pbee


Check out my Reverbnation page here


   
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Karla
(@karla)
Estimable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 137
Topic starter  

Thanx for the feedback.

I think I'm gonna use both of those suggested titles, naming it after my grandma would add something to the lyrics imo.

You're right if you say that the second song isn't really describing the picture. But yeah, it was inspired by it. Made me think of her stories about the war, about those four singing etc. Plus I saw some truck with the text "Tastes like a dream". That's where the part about the dreams started I guess...


   
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