SSG4W5 - gjbrake

Actually, I like it.

GJ,

I like it too.

I personally think it could use another verse,
but what you have is fine.

One typothe roads let to Rome

Shouldn't that be "led" to Rome?

Welcome Back

John

That is until I stumbled into you
And I've been falling ever since.

I love that line. Read it twice and still loved it.
The grass was always greener on the other side,
Until I came here.

I like this too. Made me feel like "Well life was pretty darn good but then you came along and I realized that life wasnt that great all along." It has a pretty deep meaning to me. I've been in lots of situation like that in my life.

Nice song. I agree a tad short it seems but its all in the way you sing it really.

Keep it up
Geoo

One typothe roads let to Rome

Shouldn't that be "led" to Rome?

Welcome Back

Yes, it should! You are quite right!
And thanks for the welcome back.

Cheers for looking guys. It IS a bit short. Instead of adding another verse, I've tried to flesh out the chorus/coda/end bit/whatever it turns out to be:

Spent my whole life tripping over
Obstacles in the road.
Sometime ago I came to the conclusion
that none of the roads led to Rome.
I'd travelled plenty enough of them
And none had brought me home.

That is until I stumbled into you
And I've been falling ever since.

The grass was always greener on the other side,
Until I came here.
Don't know if it's Rome, but it's heaven
And I can never leave.

The grass was always greener on the other side,
Until your smile.
Don't know if it's Rome, but it's heaven
And makes everything worthwhile.

The grass was always greener on the other side,
Until you saw me.
Don't know if it's Rome, but it's heaven
And here I am happy.

The grass was always greener on the other side,
Until you appeared.
Don't know if it's Rome, but it's heaven
And my path is finally clear.

Better? Or am I reaching? I can't decide.
I don't really want to add a verse coz I feel I've said what I want to say already.

Any more comments appreciated!
Cheers,
G

that none of the roads led to Rome.
I'd travelled plenty enough of them
And none had brought me home.
That is a very, very great and true line. Great stuff. Keep it up!

I get what you say about not feeling the need to say more so I had a thought, and maybe it won't work at all for you, but you said you welcome any comments so here it is. It might change the whole feel of the song and not be as good--and I liked it when I first read it, but maybe it'll at least spark something in you that's way better. What if you break up the verse and insert part of the chorus or pre chorus or whatever that is there--whatever it is, I like it so don't change it-- You can even have the backup singers singing the italicized parts rather than changing your music.

Spent my whole life tripping over
Obstacles in the road.

That is until I stumbled into you
And I've been falling ever since.

Sometime ago I came to the conclusion
that none of the roads led to Rome.

Until I found the road to you
And I haven't traveled since (or something like that)

I'd travelled plenty enough of them
And none had brought me home.

(Then you or the backup singers can do some sort of segue into the chorus, like--

But now I've found the road that leads to Rome....

Then do all your choruses and repeat the whole thing. I don't know what kind of music you have but singing it in my head it still has the same great feel it did originally, but gives the impression of having more verse without really changing it because like you said, you don't really need to say anymore. Hope this helps. I do like the added choruses. At least in my head that's the best part of the song. I don't know if I've just still got those oldies tunes stuck in my head, but this gives me that same sort of happy feeling. So thanks.

The grass was always greener on the other side,
Until I came here.
Don't know if it's Rome, but it's heaven
And I can never leave.

The grass was always greener on the other side,
Until your smile.
Don't know if it's Rome, but it's heaven
And makes everything worthwhile.

The grass was always greener on the other side,
Until you saw me.
Don't know if it's Rome, but it's heaven
And here I am happy.

The grass was always greener on the other side,
Until you appeared.
Don't know if it's Rome, but it's heaven
And my path is finally clear.

Better? Or am I reaching? I can't decide.
I don't really want to add a verse coz I feel I've said what I want to say already.

Very good. I like it! :D

hi G! this is the week of return, aye? feels good to have you back, too :wink:

as for your song:
don't really want to add a verse coz I feel I've said what I want to say already.
exactly. been there, done that. and I think what you have is enough. at least it's enough to make me smile.

like geoo I love this line:
That is until I stumbled into you
And I've been falling ever since.
and there are many other good things in here like twisting to "was always greener"(also deep meaning for me though somewhat a different direction) and the also-mentioned-before-part about "none of them brought me home"

so, I like what you wrote, be proud(and I hope you'll be writing more often again).
cheers,
bluenightangel

p.s. and oh, I liked the first version more, I think... I didn't quite like the lines "until you smile" and "until you saw me"... but that could just be me... :wink:

Nice work, gjbrake - well put together, lyrically flows well....I like the expanded version rather than the first version, originally I thought it might need another verse or probably a bridge, bu now I think you've got enough....

Excellent title, like the way you've worked the rest of he song round it....

:D :D :D

Vic