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SSG5 Week 16 -- It ain't right

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(@scratchmonkey)
Honorable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 603
Topic starter  

Someone on this forum, I forget exactly whom, once said "When in doubt, write a 12-bar blues." For some reason, I'm thinkin' it was smokindog or Vic. But that's what I fell back on this week. Any criticisms are welcome.

It ain't right.

I don't know which way is up
I don't know which way is down
I got nowhere to go
I want to blow this town
'cause baby the way you left,
oh you know that wasn't right

You closed out my bank book
You gave away my things
you pawned my old guitar
you even sold the strings
now I got nothing left
and you know that isn't right

I'm gonna find you baby
I'm searching far and near
I'm gonna find you baby
if it takes me twenty years
And then we'll see what's left
'cause you didn't do me right

-- Scratch 8)


"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42


   
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(@jamir)
Honorable Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 434
 

Hey there Scratch,

Can just hear this one love the 2nd verse , about even selling the strings.... shame !!!!!!!! Reminds me of my ex - he sold just about everything I owned!!!!!!!! ( if he had touched my guitars I would have found him for sure)

Not sure where the play on words come in :? but hey it's an enjoyable read anyway.

Go well
Ja'mir

I am a cloud within a cloud http://www.justjamir.com

you can hear my songs at :

http://www.mp3.com.au/artist.asp?id=21709


   
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(@chefie)
Prominent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 553
 

Hey Scratch,

Great play on words! I really love what you've done with left and right. One thing, though . . . . . . I'd like to see some more verses.

Good work!

Neil


   
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(@slowplay)
Honorable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 420
 

Hey, Scratch

Congratulations on finding a good play on words, but not still finding interesting variations on it to move the song forward.

I know it changes the meaning, but when I read:
you pawned my old guitar
you even sold the strings
I thought another play on words could be:
you pawned my old guitar
but you still hold the strings

Still, barring my whacked out sense of humour, good work.

Ice cream is a dish best served cold.


   
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(@vic-lewis-vl)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 10264
 

There isn't much wordplay, apart from the "left-right" contrasts - but it's a decent song anyway. Maybe a little more wouldn't hurt, and I like Slowplay's suggestion....

I think it was Smokindog who said "You can't go wrong with the blues" a couple of years back when the assignment was about storms in reply to my effort that week....

Yep, I just checked - someone wrote this....

"Having a week bereft of inspiration? -- make it a blues tune! I'm going to remember this, Vic.

Seriously, when somebody's posted a blues piece, I always try to read it with John Lee Hooker, or Robert Johnson, or Sonny Terry's voice to see if it fits. And this one definitely fits. Besides, what fits the assignment to use the imagery and metaphors of storms better than blues? Nothing I can think of. Nice piece, Vic.

-- Scratch"

and then Smokindog followed with this....

" I,m with scratch her, can't go wrong with a bluesy tune. I think repeating a line is a great tool. If you have somthing imortant to say ' repeat it! LOL. Good tune, I like it alot!"

That was back in Sept '04.......

Anyway, back to the song.....

It maybe could use another verse, but the thing with the blues is, with lead guitar and maybe harmonica, you could easily make this about 4 minutes long without any more lyrics...keep 'em short and sweet!!!

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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(@scratchmonkey)
Honorable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 603
Topic starter  

Thanks for the feedback, everyone.

It's true, the left / right bit was the only thing I could come up with last week! Which was really frustrating, because usually I'm pretty quick with a bad pun.

-- Scratch 8)


"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42


   
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