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SSG5 week 16

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(@jamir)
Honorable Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 434
Topic starter  

This was a horrid assignment!!!!!! :? and after an awful lot of thought I came up with this after remembering using a lot of these phrases while lecturing in the middle east and getting very strange looks from my delegates.
No wonder the world is in chaos !!!!

the world keeps turning

I live in a corner of a world that's round
No wonder I don't fit in this merry go round
I'm told, make ends meet but walk a straight line
or I'll be struck by lightening before my time

the world keeps turning and no one understands
sayings, misunderstandings, across this land

I must think out of a box that I do not own
maybe I must walk this tightrope alone
But my foot's in my mouth, my nose in a book,
someone's caught my eye, so I cannot look

a cut throat competition, makes my hair stand on end
I'm all fingers and thumbs so I cannot blend
Someone's bitten my head off, buried it in the sand
I must go out on a limb and now make a stand

the world keeps turning and no one understands
sayings, misunderstandings, across this land

Of what, I'm not sure as I'm joined at the hip
Must I just play it straight with a stiff upper lip
My left hand doesn't know what my right hand does
And the standard answer is' just because'.

the world keeps turning and no one understands
sayings, misunderstandings, across this land

I am a cloud within a cloud http://www.justjamir.com

you can hear my songs at :

http://www.mp3.com.au/artist.asp?id=21709


   
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(@slowplay)
Honorable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 420
 

Hey Jamir,

A lot to like here. I thought the first verse was the tightest, at least within the context of the assignment. I loved the "make ends meet" vs. "straight line" play. Also, in later verses, I enjoyed the imagery of a severed head in the sand, and someone tightrope walking with a foot in their mouth.

A couple lines I didn't quite catch:

I'm all fingers and thumbs so I cannot blend
...
Of what, I'm not sure as I'm joined at the hip

Then again, it's late here, and the cold Canadian wind has chilled my brain for the last half hour, so maybe I'll see more clearly in the morning.

Good stuff.

Ice cream is a dish best served cold.


   
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(@scratchmonkey)
Honorable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 603
 

Jamir,

I agree with you in that this assignment was horrid. But you've done a nice job with it. I haven't even a seed of an idea yet, and here it's Friday. Actually, I have a seed, but it's not watered, planted, nourished, etc...

Anyways, to your song...

Your approach to utilize some of the figures of speech in the English language was a terrific way to go with this assignment. (We have so many of them!) It reminded me of a children's book "The King who rained". Consequently, I read your song as a children's song. Sort of like a Hap Palmer number.
Upbeat and a bit humorous.

Good work with a tough prompt.

-- Scratch 8)


"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42


   
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 Joe
(@joe)
Honorable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 504
 

I think you did a great job with the assignment. Reminds me of a time someone used the word cliche to des....

Well done.

Joe


   
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(@vic-lewis-vl)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 10264
 

Yep, tough assignment - already Sunday Morning here, and I've got one line - and that's it.....

Like the way you picked contrasting phrases....strange language, English! "Say what you mean" - yeah, but there are so many different ways to do it.....

The only problem I had with this, there are some great lines - where 3-4 sayings are linked, for example:

"a cut throat competition, makes my hair stand on end
I'm all fingers and thumbs so I cannot blend
Someone's bitten my head off, buried it in the sand
I must go out on a limb and now make a stand"......

works because there's a common theme - body parts.....

whereas in this verse:

"I live in a corner of a world that's round
No wonder I don't fit in this merry go round
I'm told, make ends meet but walk a straight line
or I'll be struck by lightening before my time"

there doesn't seem to be the same kind of link....just random phrases....OK there is a link, in that they're well-worn time-and-tested phrases, but still....

But it's a pretty good effort all the same - would have worked a few weeks ago, too, when the theme was cliches....

:D :D :D

Vic

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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