I am back (as if anyone missed me)!
This is an interesting topic this week. I figure I've never written straight pop song, nothing close that I can think off. So we shall give'er a try. This is based on a lyrical idea I wrote a couple years back. That snipet was a bit more...emo or avant-garde, so I moved to simple rhymes and verse-chorus-verse structure.
Tangled
Together step by step
We walk this world
Together day by day
We walk this way
Tangled in life
Baby we're tangled
In our love we're tangled
In our lives we're tangled
But now I'm
Strangled
Together step by step
We see the truth
Together day by day
We'll stay this way
Tangled in strife
Baby we're tangled
In our love we're tangled
In our lives we're tangled
But now I'm
Strangled
Well welcome back, wherever you've been!
You've pretty much achieved what you set out to do - a short, sharp poppy song - the only thing that seems a little off is the chorus. The meter's fine (at least with the rhythm I've got running through my head) but it seems a little too repetitive for me, seems more punkish than pop. Just a suggestion (as always, feel free to take note or disregard at your pleasure...) - maybe something like
We're in a real tangle
Our love is strangled
Our lives are mangled
Oh yes we're
Tangled
Now it's more catchy than repetitive and the hook at the start and finish of the chorus is also the title.
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Hi,
I'm with Vic. I liked the ideas and the short punchy phrases, but there was an overdose of "tangled" for me too, especially when they all came at the end of the line. I'd have found it easier to digest if it had been "tangled in love, tangled in life". If something sounds like you wouldn't speak that way - and I certainly wouldn't say to somebody "In our love we are tangled" - then the singer has to work very hard to sell the line convincingly. Maybe you have a way in mind that makes it work though. Surprising what music can do to words. :)
Chris
Hey DR
Good to see you back. The song seems to fit nicely into the Pop realm but
I have to agree with Vic and Chris. I'm not sure there are too many tangles
although Vic's fix works well. I'd be more inclined to go with a tangled in life/love
route.
Baby we're tangled
Tangled in life
Tangled in love
But now I'm
Strangled
I know it's still quite repetitive but this is a Pop song.
John
I guess the repetition is just how I interpret pop songs. Pop music requires a hook, whether lyrical or instrumental, to catch the listeners interest. I agree I didn't like the repetition, but it seemed the best way to sink the hook in.
Point taken about the verses, you certainly wouldn't speak about the subject that way. I really need to work on that.
