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SSW45 fisheromen1031- in the deep

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(@fisheromen1031)
Active Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 6
Topic starter  

i thought i would also work on my metaphor skills along with the nautical theme:

ebb and flow, swelling and dispelling,
take time and tide, take both,
gentle wripples crested in white

in the deep, drift wood not,
beat and turned, waves will cast
aside to hand another,
never reaching the heart

ebb and flow, swelling and dispelling,
take time and tide, take both,
gentle wripples crested in white

in the deep none remain
of by gone days, seasons
to change not more, from where
the cycle begins and ends

ebb and flow, swelling and dispelling,
take time and tide, take both,
gentle wripples crested in white

from out the storm, some captives shall rise,
dashed on the rocks shall all others be,
rise at His command, settle at His hand
a flood to wash the ground, and all to sea
the Master of the wind
the Maker of the waters

in the deep, a treasure
hidden, beneath the waves
flow that stirs surface and floor,
a pearl calls, a jewel awaits

Blessings,

doug


   
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(@nicktorres)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 5381
 

Hi Doug,

It might work more as a tone poem.  I think it's too stilted, (for lack of a better word)  for a lyric.

I think you could achieve the same thing and gain power by shifting it slightly towards the vernacular.

As a poem though, I like it.


   
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