This song is about how easy it is to be tempted until I remember the pain of the consequences.
Desire
I block my vision because I know I'll never bring myself to look away.
Breath taking site, engulfs me and controls me.
Shimmer in the glare of a thousand golden shards.
It is deceiving. It's gorgeous, but a fake.
A trap, a lie, a hoax to draw me in.
But...
There's one flaw!
It leaves me laughing.
You can never infiltrate my mind!
I have no desire!
Nothing to tempt me with!
My eyes can see right through your lie!
I've caught one glimpse and now I stare at the beuty of this lie.
It's picture perfect. Yes, it's something else.
And now I ramble on as it slowly draws me in.
A flash of pain. Memories in my mind.
I break the daze. Jump back to reality.
Your flawless picture's shattered in my mind.
'Cause...
There's one flaw!
It leaves me laughing.
You can never infiltrate my mind!
I have no desire!
Nothing to tempt me with!
My eyes can see right through your lie!
-andrew pierson-
So how is it?
There's a thin fine line between hate and rage.
Now watch the line be crossed and break!
Hi, Pierson,
This one would probably be better off in the Songwriting Club pages as it doesn't fit any of the Sunday Songwriters' recent specs.
I have to admit that I struggled with some of the longer lines, and the second verse has an extra line in it. Otherwise, the ideas are good - I was pleased that there was a little bit of explanation about the plot.
I can't hear it, though. It doesn't suggest any particular rhythm to me.
Best,
A :-)
"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk
hi:)
apart from the not-really-fitting-to-the-assignment(as far as I can see that is) I really like this :wink:
I love such unusual structures as the one in your song here.
I thought of one thing bout your last line in the chorus, it's nit-picky and don't know if it'd be any improvement at all but I just thought, hey it'd sound cool to have 'you liar' instead of 'your lies'....would rhyme with 'desire', too............
gotta go now, but let me assure you I like this;)
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
yeah im new so im not sure how to see SSG's assingments, so I just post songs wherever I can.
And I did like the 'you liar' instead of 'your lies'
There's a thin fine line between hate and rage.
Now watch the line be crossed and break!
On second thought, the way someone is to sing it, the 'your lies' has to rhyme with 'my eyes'. So I'll keep it the way it is. And the extra line will fit in because it is a really slow and melow type of song until the chorus, and that 'I break the daze. Jump back to reality' goes faster, so it will fit.
Kind of has an A Perfect Circle sound to it. Just trying to explain it.
thanx a whole lot. Your oppinions help.
There's a thin fine line between hate and rage.
Now watch the line be crossed and break!
