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THE BUTTERFLY SONG SSG 14

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chefie
(@chefie)
Prominent Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 553
Topic starter  

Still working out the music. As always, comments and suggestions are welcome. Thanks.

THE BUTTERFLY SONG

You Were Small and Insignificant
An Ovum out of Sight
Developing Your Instincts
To Use in Future Flights

You Crept into My Life One Day
Then Crawled into Your Quiet Cocoon
Saying Nothing for the Moment
In the Shadow of the Sunlit Moon

I Knew You When You Were Nothing
When Nobody Looked Your Way
And No One Could Imagine
The Butterfly You Are Today

How I Wanted to Catch You
And Hold You in My Hands
But it Wasn't in You Nature
To Be Alone with a Single Man

You Fluttered by for an Instant
And in an Instant You Were Gone
And Left Me Here Singing
The Words of a Butterfly Song

I Knew You When You Were Nothing
When Nobody Looked Your Way
And No One Could Imagine
The Butterfly You Are Today

I Could Have Loved You Forever
I Longed for You Every Night
But the Day You Became a Butterfly
Was the Day That You Took Flight

Who We Are and What We Become
Is All in Natures Plan
You Were a Beautiful Butterfly
And I Was Only a Man

I Knew You When You Were Nothing
When Nobody Looked Your Way
And No One Could Imagine
The Butterfly You Are Today


   
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margaret
(@margaret)
Noble Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 1675
 

Wow! Love it!

I only have one nit-picky comment. Personally, I hate the word "ovum". Maybe being a woman it's just too personal. Could you rework the line and use the word "shell" or something else? I know we all have words we dislike, so maybe it's just me.

Great lyrics!

Margaret

When my mind is free, you know a melody can move me
And when I'm feelin' blue, the guitar's comin' through to soothe me ~


   
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chefie
(@chefie)
Prominent Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 553
Topic starter  

You made me smile Margaret! And I don't think it's nit-picky at all. I, but for different reasons, agree with you about the word "ovum." I just couldn't find another word that worked for me and I decided rather than scratch everything else I would see if it bothered anyone else. So, anyone out there have a better word for an egg? The best I could find other than ovum was "aerial bomb" and while I like it, it surely doesn't fit.

Thanks, Margaret.


   
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David Hodge
(@davidhodge)
Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 4472
 

Hi Chefie

Some nice imagery here. And I agree with both you and Margaret - "ovum" has to go! :wink: Why not simply replace it with a verb? That would make the song a little less passive as well:

You Were Small and Insignificant
Keeping out of Sight
Developing Your Instincts
To Use in Future Flights

Just a thought...

Looking forward to more.

Peace


   
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chefie
(@chefie)
Prominent Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 553
Topic starter  

Way too easy, David. Works perfect! Thank you.


   
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pbee
 pbee
(@pbee)
Noble Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2096
 

Hi Chefie,

I like your song, well done. :D There is one thing that niggles me though and that is this line
I Knew You When You Were Nothing
I cant get over the the idea that describing someone as nothing is not a good idea.
Maybe something like
I knew you back in that forming time
I knew you back in that early time
I knew you back in that growing time

Just something that doesn't sound like a put down.
Other than that, good stuff

cheers

pbee


Check out my Reverbnation page here


   
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chefie
(@chefie)
Prominent Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 553
Topic starter  

Good point pbee. Thanks.


   
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Karla
(@karla)
Estimable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 137
 

Great work, well done!
At first I didn't like the title, made me think of Chopin's Butterfly Etude. Not that that's not good, but I thought of it as being to commonly used. But yeah, after reading the lyrics, it's a good title, it's what the song's about huh ;)


   
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kkillam
(@kkillam)
Active Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 10
 

Intriguing song - not only can it be taken on it's most simplest of meanings, a butterfly's life; but it could be relevant to anyone in any number of experiences through life.

The song is simple and yet so complex - Great job!!

I'll go back to pondering for a while

Kelly,
It's Friday and it's 5:00 somewhere!!!

Kelly,
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely, but rather to skid in sideways, guitar in one hand, a beer in the other, body thoroughly used up and shouting "WOO HOO what a ride !! "


   
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