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w 13 - old man's legend

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sytys
(@sytys)
Estimable Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 84
Topic starter  

as some people never really find a profession but drift through life, this is in the manner of dylan,,,, i hope,
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old man's legend

C Am Em
\ \ \\

v1

he put on his boots and found he was walking
along a long winding trail, his feet kept on moving
he came to a tree that had parked by a river
in a quiet old forest where the trees were a watching
and when he sat down, the tree started humming
a quiet old song he knew from a legend
about a quiet young man who went out a walking

ch (not sure about the music yet)

set out for a simple life, to see what was around
he found the questions staggering, his search became profound
he searched throughout the seas, he looked throughout the land
he had become a wanderer, content to cover ground

v2

this quiet young man had went out a wandering
he had come to a crossroad and found he was wanting
a place of his own, to craft to his pleasure
a wife of his own, to care for and pleasure
so he set out of town in an eastern direction
the way of the wanderer, he chose for his path
drifting through life, never chasing the sun

ch

set out for a simple life, to see what was around
he found the questions staggering, his search became profound
he searched throughout the seas, he looked throughout the land
he had become a wanderer, content to cover ground

v3

the long lonely road, kept him from winding
down into a rut that would keep him in line
as the tired old road slipped constantly by him
his life slid away and he found he'd found nothing
but some dirty old boots, he put on for walking
and a quiet old forest where the trees were a watching
and a quiet old old song, he knew was his legend
about a quiet old man who never stopped looking

ch

set out for a simple life, and saw what was around
he found his answer leading him through a seach that was profound
he searched throughout the seas, he looked throughout the land
he had become a wanderer, content to cover ground

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

s

sytys


   
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sytys
(@sytys)
Estimable Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 84
Topic starter  

one too many olds

sytys


   
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David Hodge
(@davidhodge)
Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 4472
 

one too many olds

Which one? :wink:

Hi Sytys

I liked all the olds - gives the piece a very folky, traditional feel. And the line:
he came to a tree that had parked by a river

is inspired!

While I like what you're doing here, I think the chorus (which should be the strongest part of a narrative of this sort) is a little lacking.
set out for a simple life, to see what was around
he found the questions staggering, his search became profound
he searched throughout the seas, he looked throughout the land
he had become a wanderer, content to cover ground

After reading the first verse and then the first chorus, I settled in to hear about "questions" and to see what was "profound" about his search, but nothing really comes of it. In the last verse, in fact, you tie up a few of these ideas but it's hard to see what difference there actual is between being on the old road and being in a rut in the old road. You end up at the same place. That's pretty profound but I get the impression that's not what this person found out.

Maybe delving a little more into his thoughts as you did at the start of verse two, might help.

Looking forward to more.

Peace


   
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katreich
(@katreich)
Prominent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 686
 

I really like "a wife of his own to care for and pleasure"
great line, although you're rhyming pleasure with itself.

How about " a place of his own, made to his measure" ?

Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.

www.soundclick.com/kathyreichert


   
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Karla
(@karla)
Estimable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 137
 

I love your writing style, the scenery. After reading a few lines I got curious on where he would end. And I guess that's a good thing! It's easy for me to catch a rhytm when reading.
I take it as a story about someone who doesn't exactly know what he wants but gets off anyway, hoping he will know what he needs when he sees it. And during that process, his ideas change, he finds out that this life as is, is okay for him.
You could be a bit more explicit about those questions maybe, but this way, readers/listeners can give an own interpretation to it.
(guess I need to look up the meaning of "profound" and "rut" before I can entirely understand it, but yeah, don't have my dictionary with me and I don't trust the online translation programs...)
Good job =D


   
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sytys
(@sytys)
Estimable Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 84
Topic starter  

i agree David, i questioned the staggering questions, think i'll change it to

set out for a simple life, to see what was around
looking ahead for so long, the search became profound
he looked upon the seas, he searched throughout the land
he had become a wanderer, content to cover ground

and the last ch to

set out for a simple life, and saw what was around
he found his footsteps leading him through a seach that was profound
he looked upon the seas, he searched throughout the land
he had become a wanderer, content to cover the ground

i like the line "made to his measure" Kathy but i like the two pleasures to, kinda a his and hers

good interpretation Karla, i was sort of thinking v1 was this guy's last journey, v2 is sort of his life, wandering and wishing, v3 is the departure, could probably fit a fourth before v3, but not sure about length

i took profound as having deeper meaning, the search became his means, and a rut to be a groove you get caugh in

thanks

sytys


   
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