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w 47 - a second thought - mp3s

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(@sytys)
Estimable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 84
Topic starter  

as they say, a second can last a lifetime,

a second thought

his life slipped away in a second
before he knew it was gone
his last breath had taken a lifetime
one that had lasted to long

he called to his son can you hear me
remember to carry our name
he knew he would carry it proudly
he knew they were one and the same

the kiss that he sent to his daughter
passed in the blink of an eye
looking so proud and pretty
one tear was all he could cry

his wife he held in his memory
stretching through most of his life
a life that was gone in a second
a second that ended his life

m

sytys


   
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(@chefie)
Prominent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 553
 

Wow! What more can I say?
The economy of words . . . . the thoughts expressed . . . . . all well done.

Neil


   
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 Celt
(@celt)
Famed Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 2649
 

I'm always a bit of a sucker for this type of song.

My wife works in Hospice Care so it relates well to me.

I guess I'l just have to quote NeilWow! What more can I say?
The economy of words . . . . the thoughts expressed . . . . . all well done.

Neil

John

My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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(@barnabus-rox)
Famed Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2957
 

I 'll agree wit what has already been said here and I'll add a little .......... to my reply :

1st read I was looking for structure rhymes etc ...

2nd read I had tears in my eyes

very touching and moveing

Hilch..

Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


   
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 pbee
(@pbee)
Noble Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2096
 

Marty,

this is an excellent piece of writing and a great take on the assignment,

well done

Paul


Check out my Reverbnation page here


   
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(@sytys)
Estimable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 84
Topic starter  

hey guys, thank you all for the positive comments, i would have liked to make it a little longer but it didn't really allow for that, i have a beat in my head but i'm having trouble with music, any suggestions welcome, thanks again.

marty

sytys


   
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(@chefie)
Prominent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 553
 

Hey marty,

I liked this so much, I did start playing with it a little. Here's something simple that I came up with . . . .

Cmaj7 Fmaj7
his life slipped away in a second
Cmaj7 Fmaj7
before he knew it was gone
Cmaj7 Fmaj7
his last breath had taken a lifetime
Cmaj7 Fmaj7
one that had lasted to long

G Fmaj7
he called to his son can you hear me
G Fmaj7
remember to carry our name
G Fmaj7
he knew he would carry it proudly
G Fmaj7
he knew they were one and the same

Cmaj7 Fmaj7
the kiss that he sent to his daughter
Cmaj7 Fmaj7
passed in the blink of an eye
Cmaj7 Fmaj7
looking so proud and pretty
Cmaj7 Fmaj7
one tear was all he could cry
G Fmaj7
his wife he held in his memory
G Fmaj7
stretching through most of his life
G Fmaj7
a life that was gone in a second
G Fmaj7
a second that ended his life


   
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(@sytys)
Estimable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 84
Topic starter  

wow, cool, i'll have to try that out, just gotta figure out the chords, :D thanks.

m

sytys


   
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(@sytys)
Estimable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 84
Topic starter  

hey Neil, if you want to post an mp of this song feel free, i still haven't worked it out, would love to hear you play it, if you want to and have the time, cheers.

m

sytys


   
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(@chefie)
Prominent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 553
 

Hi marty,

I didn't spend much time, but this is what I came up with. I don't have your last name so it was hard to give you the credit you deserve. I really do love the lyrics. I've experienced loss in my life, and your words touch deeply.

http://www.soundclick.com/neilstuart


   
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(@sytys)
Estimable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 84
Topic starter  

real nice Neil, i like it, the full handle's martin dean straight, but don't worry about it, i'm not to hung up on credit, thanks.

m

sytys


   
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(@chefie)
Prominent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 553
 

Hi Marty,

This songs really begining to grow on me. I'd love to see it expanded to be a little longer, and I don't want to mess with it because I feel that the lyrics are your private domain, and I'm not sure I could convey the same feeling that you're getting across. So, I wonder if I might push you to do it. :) Maybe some kind of break between the 3rd and last verse. Some ideas to start you thinking . . .

Where does life go when it leaves . . . .
or
Who knows what the next second will bring . . .

Just a thought . . . .

Neil


   
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(@sytys)
Estimable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 84
Topic starter  

good push Neil, i found a couple more verses for it, and managed a mp3, a little different from yours, i used Am, F, C, G on the lines, had to stick with what i know, the guitar is coming more slowly than the lyrics,, feel free to incorporate the new verses, thanks for the encouragement.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=484048

a second thought

his life slipped away in a second
before he knew it was gone
his last breath had taken a lifetime
one that had lasted too long

a long time before this moment
his life had twisted and turned
around so many others
love is what he had earned

he called to his son can you hear me
remember to carry our name
he knew he would carry it proudly
he knew they were one and the same

the kiss that he sent to his daughter
passed in the blink of an eye
looking so proud and pretty
one tear was all he could cry

his wife he held in his memory
stretching through most of his life
a life that was gone in a second
a second that ended his life

through the space in that instant
his breath had been taken away
consciousness carried him forward
the place he was destined to stay

marty

sytys


   
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(@chefie)
Prominent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 553
 

Hey Marty,

I haven't even listened to the MP3 yet, but the added verses are really good. The same feeling is there as well as a new dimension. Really good work. I know how hard rewrites and adding are. I'll go listen to the MP3 now.

Thanks for sharing all this.

Neil


   
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