hey, i thought this was a good assignment Bob, i noticed how difficult it is to put a optimistic slant on a lot of things and i'm not sure i succeeded, i'll leave it for the readers to decide, any feedback is appreciated.
time grows
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the time is turnin quickly
they say the futures here
my friends are clothed in laptops
and they still drink all my beer
i can see my friends in europe
i can see my brother's son
these things have keep us closer
and i know it's just begun
my face lights up her cell phone
my pictures on the net
i get letters from my lover
sayin my picture got all wet
times change, time goes
faster than we know
stay here with me
your presence sets me free
times change, time grows
like a river flows
our eyes can't see
where we're gonna be
our cultures brought us further
in a short space of time
this world is getting faster
turning dollars into dimes
tomorrow's on the tv
the anwser's in the web
things no longer cyclical
the flow of time is ebb
the eagle soars above us
watching everyone
from time beyond all memory
for ages yet to come
times change, time goes
faster than we know
stay here with me
your presence sets me free
times change, time grows
like a river flows
our eyes can't see
where we're gonna be
-------------------------------------
s
sytys
Sometimes even the best "optimistic slant" one can hope for is a bittersweet one and you find that tone very well in this piece.
The chorus does a good job of generalizing things here, and that general tone compliments the wonderfully specific images of the verses, but even on rereading it several times it leaves me with a feeling that something's lacking. That's not necessarily a bad thing as it contributes to the overall mood of the song, but I can't help thinking the chorus should be more commited to a "new day" instead of sitting on the fence, so to speak.
By the way, the first verse, especially the last two lines of it, is priceless.
Looking forward to reading more from you.
Peace
hey, thanks David, "bittersweet" is a nice description, i felt like i was being sarcastic when i wrote it and ended up changing a lot of lines just to keep it positive, i think you're right on the chorus, doesn't quite fit the verses, i wrote it to what sounded good to me just the flow of the words but a little tweak might brighten it's meaning, thanks.
times change, time goes
faster than we know
stay here with me
your presence lets me be
times change, time grows
like a river flows
our eyes can see
a future bright and free
martin
sytys
Hi Martin
I like the rewrite. It's amazing what a single line can do, isn't it?
Peace
Hi Sytys
Really god piece here, takes in the assignment quite well. I like the contrast of modern and ancient (laptops to eagles) gives it a nice feel.
Enjoyed it
Good stuff
Bob :wink:
You are what you eat, eat well
