Sorry guys,
I just couldn't get it together this week. I came up with a verse and a chorus during the week, but never got it posted. I think the verse needs some tweaking, and the song of course needs more verses, but I'm pretty happy with the chorus, although I welcome any criticisms.
So you can't pronounce his name,
or the land from which he came,
and you think he kinda dresses funny too.
As he's getting on the bus,
you know he's not like us,
and you're wondering just what you ought to do.
Shake his hand,
and learn to say his name,
shake his hand,
let him know you're glad he came,
to a land,
where people can be free,
understand,
he's a lot like you and me.
Scratch,
Nice start! Needs more verses.
As I was reading I found myself singing in a John Prine fashion.
I would really like to see where you could go with this.
John
OOPS :oops: Double Post
As I was reading I found myself singing in a John Prine fashion.
I would really like to see where you could go with this.
John
Thanks, John.
John Prine(ish) is kind of how it was rolling around in my head too. I think I'm not going to drop this one, because I'd like to see where I could go with it as well.
I like it. I think it shows real potential. Finish it.
For the 2nd and 3rd verses you might talk about common problems and dreams, like kids that think their parents "just don't understand", a nice comfortable home of your own. Something to play up the "everyone's really basically the same" theme.
Of course, if you really want to get cynical at the end, you could have him on his way to try out for Americal Idol....(but that would probably ruin the mood of the song.) :D
John A.
They say only a pawnshop guitar can play the blues. An eBay one does it better. A guitar's bound to feel unloved if her owner plasters pictures of her over the internet for all to see and then sells her off to the highest anonymous bidder.
I await with baited breath for a re write.......... like what you have so far.
I can really relate to the words living in the Middle East ....... can't pronounce most of the names here
And that what the assignment was all about "sounds good" is really about relating to the writers message.
Good stuff
Ja'mir
I am a cloud within a cloud http://www.justjamir.com
you can hear my songs at :