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Week 15: Party nite...
 
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Week 15: Party nite.

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(@saber)
Reputable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 350
Topic starter  

I'm not much of a partier, and usually avoid them. I've got social anxiety and tend to freeze up at party's, or just get really trashed and wonder around. I chose to write about the latter.
I didn't put in any imagery of different people like the rules said, but I tend to be too nervous to notice any of that, and just went ahead and wrote it from my personal perspective.
Hope ya'll don't mind.
Enjoy

If there was something that I had to say I needed most.
It'd be to scream and shout my lungs out til' the world knows,
that I'm stuck inside this rowdy crowd decidedly alone.
This pressures killing me tonight, I want to go home.

I saw
Headlights.
All right.
Let's fight.

I'm bold.
I fold.
Were friends
tonight.

My nerves are burnt away with each and every single drink.
I know I'll never be alive if all I do is think.
There is always something moving and it's never quiet.
Words are both empty and their strong for this socialite.

I saw
Headlights.
All right.
Let's fight.

I'm bold.
I fold.
Were friends
tonight.

2 O'clock A.M., I'm sober soaked with regret.
The streets are ice, an all night diner is my best bet.
Warmed with coffee and I start to wonder where I've been.
For now I'm grounded all until the nite begins again.

I saw
Headlights.
All right.
Let's fight.

I'm bold.
I fold.
Were friends
tonight.

©2006 Joshua Aldridge.

P.s. Seriously. Please don't use my stuff without permission.

"Like the coldest winter chill. Heaven beside you. Hell within." -Jerry Cantrell


   
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(@anonymous)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 8184
 

Nice song. I can definately feel that you don't want to be there. One question, do you literaly see headlights or is that an image?


   
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(@saber)
Reputable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 350
Topic starter  

Nice song. I can definately feel that you don't want to be there. One question, do you literaly see headlights or is that an image?

Thanks. I suppose their real. One night in my Freshman year I drank way too much, and all I remember vividly from that night is being blinded by headlights. So I threw it in the song. I thought it'd help to paint a picture of disorientation.

"Like the coldest winter chill. Heaven beside you. Hell within." -Jerry Cantrell


   
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(@barnabus-rox)
Famed Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2957
 

hi

first of I must admit I got lost with the long verses and short choruses

but after reading this a few times I got into the groove of things , and it is a very nice piece .

Jsohua what sort of music do you have in mind for it ?

I was thinking hard rock ? Am I close to where your coming from ?

Hilch

Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


   
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(@saber)
Reputable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 350
Topic starter  

If I could pull some music off, I was considering picking/struming during the verses and power chords and picking during the chorus. I would try to go for an Alice and chains sound if I could. Particulairly their Jar of Flies album.

"Like the coldest winter chill. Heaven beside you. Hell within." -Jerry Cantrell


   
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 pbee
(@pbee)
Noble Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2096
 

Hi Saber,
I really like the verses here, but I'm not convinced with the choruses. I do like the idea of staccato lines but I feel they would be more powerful if they were less ambiguous.

Something like:
Head lights
Not right
Lime light
Feel Fright

Your bold
I fold
Were friends
Tonight

Anyway just my thoughts, other than that, this is good.

Cheers
Paul


Check out my Reverbnation page here


   
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