Haven't come up with a title:
It's dim and dank and dirty
In the bowels of the mine
Not quite what I imagined
In the immigration line
It's dark when I go down below
And again when work is done
Won't be til Sunday morning
That I can see the sun
Chorus:
So draw my bath Teresa
Wash the day off from my skin
While I rinse the soot from out my throat
With a healthy drink of gin
Cause it's back below tomorrow
Stooping low beneath the beams
Just the first step of our finding
Our American dreams
There were Poles , Italian, Irish
Ukrainians and Croats
Arriving to our future
In the bellies of the boats
Chasing stories from our cousins
About riches yet untold
We left our home and homeland
To find those streets of gold.
Chorus
You know my dreams are bigger
Than the money that I earn
But you just wait Teresa
Some day I'll have my turn
And people will take notice
When we're out to paint the town
And I'll never in my life again
Go working underground.
Chorus:
It was kind of cool this topic came up, since I just got some copies of documents some of my cousins have been pulling together about my grandparents.
My grandfather, Joseph Fedro, was born in 1878 in Poland. As a teen, he made money hustling for tourist for resorts in the Carpathian mountains. He came to this country at age 18. He would have been about half my age in 1905. Birth records and the a copy of the 1910 census show him living in West Virginia at the time. Per my mother, he worked in the coal mines there, until he scraped up enough money to move to Wisconsin and buy a farm. He also worked as a land agent, getting other Polish miners from W Va. to move to the area. According to my mom, he was always looking for the next big thing, the one thing that would bring him his big break. From what I understand, he never did find it.
Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.
Nice details. :D
The "chorus" reads a bit long....but I'm sure the music style of a "chorus" was different than today.
Thanks for sharing the background story.
This is well written, I think it tells the story in an interesting manner and I enjoyed reading it very much! I'm not so sure it would have the same effect on me when sung. I do think most songs need a chorus, they serve a purpose, and the one here is very similiar to the verses - same amount of lines, same rhyming pattern, and i don't think it would give the listener the break needed nor give them any part of the song to latch onto, even if were different somewhat musically. I would come back from a shorter chorus that required less concentration on the words, in this song, looking forward to hearing the rest of the story. Without music it is hard to say but that's my feeling seeing it just written out.
The chorus was still an important part of songs way back then I think. It wasn't invented in recent years, it is an integral part of most songs because it serves a purpose. Thinking about a couple of songs from that era, 'Wait Til the Sun Shines Nellie' and 'Sweet Adeline', they both have choruses that are shorter and more repetitive. They may be over a hundred years old, but have lasted and are known to me because of the choruses. I remember and can sing the chorus, and the songs would have been lost to me long ago had it not been for that.
Not saying you are striving for a song that lasts a hundred years, maybe just wanting to tell a good story which it is, but that is something that would improve the song and help the listener to really get into the song more. Chances are that this listener anyway, would zone out for parts of it given the length and no real change.
I can't tell stories in song form without getting way too long, so am most appreciative of those that can and will say again that this is very nice work!
Hi Kathy
Nice story and some great lines and imagery. I don't think the chorus is too long but I do think some unifying phrase or structure might help tighten the lyrics up a bit. I especially like the way the last verse ends so that made me think that "Working Underground" might be a good title and focal point. You could use it to end the verses and choruses, kind of like this:
It's dim and dank and dirty
In the bowels of the mine
Not quite what I imagined
In the immigration line
It's dark when I go down below
And dark when the shifts change 'round
Two hours of sun on Sunday
Then back to working underground
Chorus:
So draw my bath Teresa
Wash the day off from my skin
While I rinse the soot from out my throat
With a healthy drink of gin
Cause it's back below tomorrow
Somewhere deeper darker down
We're building up an American dream
By working underground
There were Poles , Italian, Irish
Ukrainians and Croats
Arriving to our future
In the bellies of the boats
Chasing stories from our cousins
Fame and fortune to be found
We left our home and homeland
To go working underground
Obviously this is very rough, but maybe it can give you more ideas. Since you're setting this in West Virginia, you might want to pull out the mandolin!
Peace
Is this the same sainted Teresa?
Great story! I could picture you singing it, or Nick if someone felt the male voice was necessary.
For some reason I tripped over "Croats" rhyming with "boats", as I think it's usually "Crow-ats", but I'm being picky. Mr Dylan has forced tougher rhymes.
Thanks for the comments, all.
David, I do like your sugestions and will probably go with them. This has almost an Irish vibe, doesn't it? I was trying to tie in the Polish and try to bring in the accdordion; maybe a polka?
Dan,Teresa was my grandma, and our sainted sister Theresa was named after her.
Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.
