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Week 16 "Smoke and Mirrors"

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(@Anonymous)
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Curse me for reading the topic Before going to bed. I took the magic imagery angle on this one. Its kind of a dark shade of country (and its got 8 lined verses!!!) Hope ya like it.

"Smoke and Mirrors"

(verse 1)
There's a neon light that's shining bright
But it barely cuts the haze
There's a juke box and a bartender
That've both seen better days
There's a tap that pours salvation out
And some friends to cheer me up
And a little bag tucked in my coat
In case that's not enough

(chorus)
Its all just smoke and mirrors
Just a trick in our own minds
When we raise our glasses up
And give a toast to these good times
Its all just smoke and mirrors
Little lies we tell ourselves
'Cause truth be told, if times were good
We'd all be somewhere else

(verse 2)
There's a junky in the parking lot
And he wants me to believe
He's got nothing in his pockets
Nothing hidden up his sleeves
There's a preacher on the TV screen
Saying heaven can be mine
But he's got the same look in his eyes
As the man that waits outside

(chorus)

(bridge)
And I love the freinds I've made here
But somehow I just know
They'd all be happy for me
If some day I didn't show

(chorus)

And that's that! Feed back is appreciated.
-Marv


   
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(@jamir)
Honorable Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 434
 

I'm green with envy, how did you come up with something so good , so fast...... my mind is still in the gutter.
I've always believed life is an illusion and you've captured that to perfection

There is one line I don't like though

They'd all be happy for me

Do you think they would?? If you had crossed over to the other side, they might not give a damn, if you had  made good, they would all be envious.  
Well other than that line it is excellent stuff, especially half asleep with muses harrassing you.
go well
Ja'mir

I am a cloud within a cloud http://www.justjamir.com

you can hear my songs at :

http://www.mp3.com.au/artist.asp?id=21709


   
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(@Anonymous)
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Hey there jamir.

I think maybe you read a little too deep into this one! This song to me is just a group of freinds who gather at the same bar every night... Sort of a support group for the downtrodden. The "they'd all be happy for me/ If some day I didn't show" line is a reference back to the last lines of the chorus. " - truth be told if times were good/We'd all be somewhere else". They're his friends and they want the best for him. If he gets out of the rut they're all in.. maybe there's hope for the rest of them.

Then again maybe Im not reading deep enough into my lyrics.

-Marv


   
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(@Anonymous)
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Ok Ok. SO Now the line bothers me. I went to go work on some other stuff and then came back to this and the line bothers me. It could just as easily be  "They'd all be jealous of me" There's not a lot of power riding on either line I don't think. The bridge is really weak next to the verses anyway. Maybe I'll scrap it and try something else.

I should be napping right now...

-Marv


   
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(@blackswan)
Trusted Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 51
 

Wow, hey, I really like this! I hear country with this as well...and I'm probably just not reading deep enough, the line actually seems find to me.

But I could be wrong... ;)

anyways, good work!

-Laura


   
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(@Anonymous)
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For those of you who read the second bridge i posted (and then deleted..) oops. Sorry um... here's a new one.

We've all got our delusions
And our masks to hide behind
So here's to you and to whatever
Gets you through the night

Because....
(chorus)


   
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(@Anonymous)
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Dang Marv,

I was holding off saying anything because I preferred the original bridge to the 1st 2nd bridge. (the now-deleted one)  Finally, I figured out how to say what I wanted to say, and I come back here to tell you, and <presto-change-o> it's replaced by a bridge that works even better than the original!

I like this one a lot.  Reminds me of when I belonged to such a clique.  Not necessarily the best of times, but they were good friends and good folks.  We've all found more productive ways to pass time now, but it was good to remember them.  Thanks.

-Scratch


   
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(@Anonymous)
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I picked over that bridge a lot today. I think it finally says what it should. I've already got a recording in the works for it too. Should be done sometime in the near future.

-Marv


   
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(@heelsy)
Trusted Member
Joined: 22 years ago
Posts: 36
 

Hello MarvelousOptimist,

I really like this piece, Im hearing an acoustic thing in my mind, I'd like to know what style you see the song in.

I loved the part about the guys eyes comparing the precher to the junky, lol.

About the bridge, I hear what jamir is saying about the 1st bridge but, I still could not get away with the 2nd on either.

We've all got our delusions  
And our masks to hide behind
So here's to you and to whatever  
Gets you through the night

Im not sure how you are singing it but im stumbling on the 3rd line.

the rest of it rocks!
Good job  :)

If Practice makes perfect & nobody is perfect.. Why practice?


   
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(@denim_tonque)
Eminent Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 17
 

Wow. Great  song! Whoa here now, don't go starting all over, this is too good.  I reallly like the syle.

I think that what is meant about the last line in the 1st bridge, is that the nature of human relationships is one that people don't want to see others doing better than they.  So the friends are more likely to be jealous.  Dunno, that's just the way I see it.  Having said that I think I like the 'new' bridge better.
Just really good.  Would love to hear if it sounds the same in my head as it does to you.  And my version is definitely acoustic!
Go....


   
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(@Anonymous)
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http://www.xquake.net/~ebo/kad/smoke.mp3

Here's a rough demo of the song. I'm flat. And I know I'm flat. Plus the tempo is a bit faster than it should be now that I look back. But I still like it for whatever reason. At least I got to play my fretless bass on a recording.

-Marv


   
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(@heelsy)
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Joined: 22 years ago
Posts: 36
 

whoa!

I like it!

kinda its got a bon jovi unplugged thing going on.
just an idea, how about some big elec guitars towards the end.. maybe even a small lead break..

If Practice makes perfect & nobody is perfect.. Why practice?


   
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(@Anonymous)
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Hmmm...  Now if I throw too many superlatives in here you might think me disingenuous.  I like this song much more than "Which 5 O'Clock".  I liked 5 O'Clock too, but this one is just really good.  It was good enough that I didn't notice you were flat.  Only because you mentioned it in your post, I was listening for it, and the first couple of lines I could tell, but by the fourth line, I didn't notice or care, I was so into the song.  This is very good work, Marv.

-Scratch


   
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(@Anonymous)
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Wow... i just wrote a big long post and then clicked the wrong thing and lost all of it. Its a sign.

So to paraphrase. I'm glad you liked it. It's not my style at all. But i showed it to one of my bands the other day and they like dit.. so its going into the set. It'll no doubt get a little edgier and have some electric guitar added in somewhere but that's not really a bad thing. Anyway. Im tired. And while I'd like to sleep. I have other songs that need my attention. Thanks for listening.

-Marv

PS. 20 points to Scratch for using "superlative" and "disingenious" in the same sentence. I'm off to go look those words up.


   
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(@jamir)
Honorable Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 434
 

Excellent stuff Marv,

Sounds very Dylanish to me,which is great, really like him, but suprised, as you said,you're not into folk. I think I still prefer 5 oclock, but Tony is hooked on this one, so it must be good !!!!! he is very hard to please. and now can't wait to hear your next one. keep them coming.
Go well
Ja'mir

I am a cloud within a cloud http://www.justjamir.com

you can hear my songs at :

http://www.mp3.com.au/artist.asp?id=21709


   
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