WEEK 18 - I'm the only one (Pbee MP3)

Ello Hilch. Good effort. Its a really difficult subject in my opinion. I think on the first verse I like this one better.
Or even famous ball players playing the game

but when you get to the second it seems like you lost inspiration and couldnt think up anything unique. I didnt like this at all.
For years I dreamed about fortune and fame
Maybe if I become good enough I'll star for my gang

But then afterwards and pretty much consistantly through the rest of the song you did great. Totally impressed you are taking voice lessons. I had a few and when I get my bills paid off I think I will start them again.

Good luck in all you do
Geoo

Thanks Geoo

Yeah that second verse
( one re-write on that just thought it was me that felt like you but ... oh well )

Actually originally that was my final verse , ( bugger )

"I typed in my Austrian name
Searching for another just the same"

......
I know I am Australian --- but my name is Austrian from Austria

Thanks again

Hey Hilch,
Im impressed, I think this song has real potential and with a little tweaking here and there I think you could have good song. I took the liberty of having a play around with it, I hope you don't mind, its pretty much all your lyrics just reorganised a little bit. I also put a bridge in there to give some relief from the verse structure. I always feel a little bit awkward when I rewrite someone else's song cos I don't really want to hijack their work but sometimes another viewpoint can be helpful. Anyway feel free do with what you will. BTW the bridge is a bit "tongue in cheek"

I Googled my name in search of fortune and fame
Or celebrity ball players playing the game
But I'm the only one here with my name
Nobody else's name is the same

For years I dreamed of that fortune and fame
Or maybe be good enough to star for my gang
But I'm the only one here with my name
Nobody else's name is the same

<bridge>
Oh poor me
Oh lonely me
Nobody loves me
I'm nobody's pet
I can't find myself
I'm not on the net :cry:

I tried a new word, my Austrian name
Searching again for another the same
But I'm the only one here with my name
Nobody else's name is the same

There's no rock and roll or super stars
Not even old losers tossed out of old bars
I'm the only one here with my name
Nobody else's name is the same

But I'm not disappointed
Cos where I come from
I might be the only one here with my name
But that means that nobody else is the same

And that makes me happy

cheers

Paul

wow paul

I missed so much

Hey Hilch
I missed so much
I don't think so, this is your song all ive done is tighten up the meter a little bit and put a bridge in there, the rest was all yours, you can't escape that easily i'm afraid.
I think your going to have to sing this one for us me old mate 8) .

Cheers

Paul

After I sing it will there be any law suits against me from listeners who now are suffering permenant loss of hearing ??? :oops: :oops:

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Might have to make 2 recordings and see what suits ?? :shock: :shock:

If I could play rock and roll :cry: :cry: :cry:

Thanks for the encouragement Paul

( you must have bought a big box of ear plugs?) :o :o :o

Hilch :?:

Only part I had trouble with was this:

For years I dreamed about fortune and fame
Maybe if I become good enough I'll star for my gang
I'm the only one with my name
Nobody elses is the same

maybe something like this?:

For years I dreamed of the glamour and fame,
Earning a fortune, playing my game,
My name in everyone's thoughts,
MY name, and it can't be bought....

(MY) in capitals for emphasis......

You might want to vary this line as well....

"I'm the only one with my name
Nobody elses is the same"

it's a little too repetitive....a few variations might do the trick....

I'm the only one in town,
I'm the only one around

or

There's only one of me,
What you get is what you see.....

or

I'm me and I'm unique,
Why should I try to be meek.....

These are just off the top of my head, the possibilities are endless.....

As for the imagery, hell no one can accuse you of not trying - I particularly like the convicts/royalty verse....

I think it's great to see - and it happens a lot in this forum - someone's songs develop from early raw efforts to proper songs - some of the people in here give great advice, and when someone takes it on board, and improves visibly week by week, it's gratifying to all of us....

Keep it up mate, you're getting there!

and what have I come up with this week? NOTHING!
a big fat zero, I yahoo'd my name - found any number of Vic Lewis's but nothing to inspire me....

However, I'm probably the only GN member whose name is on the wall of fame outside the Cavern in Liverpool - commemorating every band who's ever played there....

OK it wasn't me, it was the Vic Lewis Orchestra - apparently he was a big name in the jazz scene.....but MY NAME IS ON THE CAVERN - BEAT THAT!

(sorry, couldn't resist!)

sorry - got sidetracked there......

keep writing Hilch, you're getting better by the week, let's see what Bob has in store next week...

:D :D :D

Vic

WOW

Thanks for all that feed back Vic ...

You kow when you live your life it is amazing the things you miss out on trapped in ones little circle of doom we all call our lives .

But when one has to open their eyes up and use the power of imagery that we were all born with ( just some can describe it better then others )
it is a very hard thing to do ..For many years I would just wake up , go to work , come home , have my evening meal watch some TV and go to bed .

Now I get up go to work and I am constantly taking notes on every day events . It's not a Bus it's a big white Volvo with many different people on board ( where are they going where did they come from )

I'm trying to visulise everything now , and thanks Vic your a big help of trying to get me to think out side the square ( hope you all understand that saying )

Hilch :?:

"Now I get up go to work and I am constantly taking notes on every day events"

Another few weeks or so, you won't even have to makes notes - or even take notes, your subconscious mind will take care of that....once you're geared to a certain mindset, it'll come naturally - but keep the notebook handy, there's always a chance you'll come up with that one great line you'll forget by the time you get home.......

:D :D :D

Vic

I've always liked this song and with hilch's kind permission have made a recording of it which you can find here:
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=476331

you have made this into one hell of a song Paul

Nice re write ion the 3rd line second verse Paul

But it's not gunna happen with this name

well done

Nice collaboration guys.

It's always fun when two or more work on something.

John

Well all I can say John ..

I was totally blown away ( and still am ) with what Paul did with my little idea ..

Paul turned it into a very nice song and if you don't believe me ( ask my Mrs she loves it )

Hilch :?:

I was totally blown away ( and still am ) with what Paul did with my little idea ..

I know what you mean.

Check out The Eyes of a Child on my Collaborations page
which is Paul's rendition of one of my songs.

John