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Week 28. You, and H...
 
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Week 28. You, and Her, and Me.

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(@katreich)
Prominent Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 686
Topic starter  

I've been participating in a 60's music ensemble; this one has an early 60's vibe going on.

You and Her and Me.

Baby, I know she broke your heart
And left you in misery
And I know, I’m not as funny or smart
But someday I long to be
The one to make you smile again
The one to set you free
But now whenever we’re alone
It’s you, and her, and me.

Baby, whenever I go out
You give me the third degree
And though I’m certainly no girl scout
You need to trust in me
I’ll hold your love in deep in my heart
Under lock and key
No one will break us two apart
Not her, just you and me.

Every time you kiss me I can’t help but wonder dear
Is it me your kissing, or are you wishing she were near?

My love, I’ll make it perfectly clear
Ménage a trois is not for me
I want to whisper in your ear
That two is company
I have a lucky number babe
It’s certainly not three
Baby, its getting crowded in here
With you, and her, and me.

KReichert
5/16/2013

Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.

www.soundclick.com/kathyreichert


   
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(@jamestoffee)
Famed Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 2855
 

Hi Kathy,

Good start :D Definitely room for intrigue and questions of trust and faithfulness....and that's a good thing. :wink:

As it reads, it seems like it might be trying to cover too much of the relationship as each verse has a different emotion, but there are no reasons given for the changes of emotions.

Also, there is a lot of telling instead of showing, so as a listener/reader all I can say is, "ok, I guess that's what's going on", but there's no room/details for me to picture who these people are and why the singer is saying what he/she is saying or feeling......

....this might all be nitpicking on the read....maybe the music fill in some of the pieces/questions that come to mind.

Thanks for sharing.

James


   
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(@john-sargent)
Noble Member
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 946
 

I'll echo James on this. It's difficult to figure out what details to include. I'm reminded of "Triad" which is filled with images

Your mother's Ghost stands at your shoulder
long hair flowing
The descriptive images come to life in my ears. I think some imagery would help in your song.


   
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