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Week 33: Settle.

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Saber
(@saber)
Reputable Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 350
Topic starter  

This is a pretty short one. Maybe I'll add more later. It should probably have a folksy sound to it.

Settle.

Now that I've swallowed my poison
you look mighty fine
Maybe it's the bitter season
but I wish to make you mine.

Down a few more, kill all reason
become a sexy beast
Know that I'll be yours forever
for tonight at least.

Haven't you lost to desire?
Haven't you wished to be free?
Haven't you betrayed your senses?
Who's this next to me?

Scorn the sun, and curse the morning
for showing me the light.
In my regret, without warning
for this chilling sight.

Haven't you lost to desire?
Haven't you wished to be free?
Haven't you betrayed your senses?
Who's this next to me?

"Like the coldest winter chill. Heaven beside you. Hell within." -Jerry Cantrell


   
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BarnaBus RoX
(@barnabus-rox)
Famed Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2957
 

Nope not just you Peter :lol: :lol:

Oh talk about letting secrets out :oops: :oops:

Saber this is very clever I think

Shortness ? thats what music is for to fill I say ....

I really like the second verse

Hilch

Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


   
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Celt
 Celt
(@celt)
Famed Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2649
 

Saber

Old story but you tell it well and it sounds fresh.

Good Job

John

My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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Vic Lewis VL
(@vic-lewis-vl)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 10264
 

Reads very well to me, just one part I'm not sure about....

Scorn the sun, and curse the morning
for showing me the light.
In my regret, without warning
for this chilling sight.

I came up with..

Scorn the sun and curse the morning,
for shedding light.
On my regrets without warning,
Of this chilling sight......

I can't help tinkering with words, and I just felt that 2nd line felt unneccessarily long - as always, just my opinion.....

my other opinion is, you caught the spirit of the assignment well, and you've got a pretty good song.....

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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pbee
 pbee
(@pbee)
Noble Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2096
 

Hey Saber,
I think you've got yourself a great song here. My only comment is that it does seem a little short but I think that if you tinkered with it might lose that tightness that it has.

Well done

Paul


Check out my Reverbnation page here


   
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Saber
(@saber)
Reputable Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 350
Topic starter  

Thanks ya'll

Vic- nah man, your's is about two sillables too short. Try to sing it outloud with the rest of the verses, it sounds off.

"Like the coldest winter chill. Heaven beside you. Hell within." -Jerry Cantrell


   
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lotto king
(@lotto-king)
Prominent Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 777
 

Nice little song you have here

I think it would be how you held the words in Vic's post ( just my opinion )

Good writting

L.k

Aghhhh

Not only am I a senior citizen

I'm now a bloody senior member

Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?

over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )


   
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