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WEEK 40. the disapp...
 
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WEEK 40. the disappearing one

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(@geoffrey)
Estimable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 85
Topic starter  

this is total work in progress.

affection.
mother under father's thumb
communication.
cutting off each other's tounges

make no promises
break no promises
i learned it all from you.

jesus
made me the disappointing son.
time has
made me the disappearing one.

make no promises
break no promises
i learned it all from you

to listen to my songs for SSC click here http://www.myspace.com/impossibleobjects


   
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(@straycat)
Noble Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 1282
 

hey geoffrey:)

cool song. I think it could just be the way it is and be finished. that's it;)
really like it, short and has a great idea behind it.

make no promises
break no promises

very true.
love your second verse.
1st is good, too but the line 'mother under father's thumb' buggs me...it's fine, it rhymes it's just that I don't like the phrase, the wording...if that makes sense.

well done :D
bluenightangel

"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin


   
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(@geoffrey)
Estimable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 85
Topic starter  

yeah.. "mother under father's thumb" was actually a line from a poem i wrote in Latin. i was actually thinking of maybe doing the whole song in Latin but then there would be no point in posting it here unless someone else could read it.

anyways. yeah. that's the standout line that doesn't seem to fit to me too... hmmmmm.......

to listen to my songs for SSC click here http://www.myspace.com/impossibleobjects


   
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