Hey all. I just discovered guitarnoise.com and this has to be one of the best guitar sites and forums out there. Thought I'd jump right in because this weeks topic really appealed to me.
Nebula
by BJM
I wish that I could place you out here in the stars.
For a second or a light year, just know where you are.
They say at the speed of life you're everywhere at once.
Then I am an anomaly, you're anywhere but here.
Looking for your eyes in pin pricks on black paper.
Worlds with rings and other things to decorate the sky.
If you could see the wonders that I've seen and see right now,
Maybe the space between us wouldn't feel so far.
[chorus]
She said,
Forget about me, space cowboy.
But don't forget to write.
I'll see you in the moonless nights,
It's only a straight line.
From me to you.
(After all)
And I'm stranded on a planet of outlaws and liars.
Space cold enough to burn a soul with supernovas and solar fires.
It's dusty on the surface and there's barely any water.
But this world is still drowning without anything to drink.
I belong here...
We're all anti-heroes here, in a cosmic waiting room.
All hoping that the next jump might send us home to you.
I drift along, a vacuum in a vacuum, nothing left to do.
Expanding to infinity, expanding till I don't exist.
[chorus]
Welcome to our ever-expanding family!!!
They say at the speed of life you're everywhere at once.
Then I am an anomaly, you're anywhere but here.
I love the imagery those two lines conjure up, and the little play on words...
We're all anti-heroes here, in a cosmic waiting room.
All hoping that the next jump might send us home to you.
Hmm, do I espy another Quantum Leap fan?
Good song, look forward to more from you.......
Vic.
:) :) :)
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
hey n!nja,
nice song here. wonderful imagery.
They say at the speed of life you're everywhere at once.
Then I am an anomaly, you're anywhere but here. She said,
Forget about me, space cowboy.
But don't forget to write. these lines are cute, nice addition of levity. made me smile. But this world is still drowning without anything to drink.
all the lines i quoted are beautiful imagery. really gets the picture in my head.
the song sounds a little off meter in a few places. but it might sound ok when sung.
i didn't notice the reference before vic pointed it out but i have to agree, how could i have missed such a blatent reference like that? i guess it has been a while since i have seen the show. it doesn't take away from the song any.
good job. hope you stick around.
-CheapThrill
Hi SunsetNinja,
Welcome! Another member from the bottom-left corner of the US. We get enough of us, and we may just be able to entice dhodge to bring one of his famous seminars out this way! (especially with winter approaching)
On to your song. The imagery is wonderful. really terrific. There are a couple (really nit-picky) things that might be worth another look.
In verse 1, the last line really threw me. I was expecting the last line to rhyme with the first 2. Instead of AABA, you threw AABC. Caused me to do a double-take. But that may have been your intention.
The second line in that same verse, "For a second or a lightyear" is very catchy, and a profound contrast. But seconds are a measure of time, and lightyears are a measure of distance. You're contrasting (comparing?) unlike terms. You could argue the the intertwining of time and space in the fabric of space-time, I suppose. And honestly, I don't think many people would notice or care. (I did say these were nit-picky, didn't I?) Even with that, It's a good line.
Now the good stuff. You have a lot of fantastic lines / phrases in here. Really good, clever stuff.
Looking for your eyes in pin pricks on black paper.
That's a great line!
Worlds with rings and other things to decorate the sky.
Nice use of internal rhyming. I like that.
Space cold enough to burn
Excellent contrast.
This is terriffic stuff, sunsetNinja, I look forward to reading more of you work!
-- Scratch 8)
-- Scratch 8)
"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42
Hey, thanks for the comments. They can only help the song come together better. Lol, I actually didn't think anyone would see the quantum leap reference, but looks like I was wrong. I'm glad you guys like the imagery, I was thinking about sci-fi/anime movies and the whole loner anti-hero type character.
I don't mind the "nit-picky" comments. I knew when I posted it that there were a few meter hiccups and such. When I wrote it, I was mostly tapping my finger on the desk and I tend to flow off the rhythm when I go lyrics before music. As for the "second or light year" line, I actually forgot to change it to "within a second or a light year", but then I thought it created a neat little paradox that fit with the time-space thing. Haven't decided where to go on it yet.
On the seminar thing, I hope they eventually get one in this part of the country. They sound awesome.
hey sunset, welcome :D
I was thinking about sci-fi/anime movies and the whole loner anti-hero type character.
I could see that, your song made me think of 'cowboy bebop' :wink: would've been a nice choice for title track there as the feeling I get from this fits perfectly :lol:
love the chorus.
really a beautiful one(like a hymn...)
bluenightangel
P.S.: how 'bout getting a seminar in germany??? :D I know, way too far and propably not enough people here who know about it.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
