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Week 44 Having a Wonderful Time

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(@katreich)
Prominent Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 686
Topic starter  

I wrote this just before I saw Vic and David's post about " having a wonderful time, wish you were here"! Steel drums anyone?

Having a Wonderful Time

Chorus:
Having a wonderful time
The sun and the sand are sublime
A tropical drink on a tray
To while the hours away
Some sun block and paperback book
Are pretty much all that it took
To elevate my point of view
It’s a wonderful time without you.

Strolling by the post card stand
It’s really all I can do
To stop myself from picking out
A postcard just for you
I’d send it just to make it clear
I’m happy here on my own
Spending time and drinking wine
In this tropical time zone.
Chorus:

You always seem to get your way
In everything thing that you do
You never think of anyone
It’s always all about you
Your mother’s precious baby boy
Never learned to face the facts
You never seemed to figure out
That you pay for how you act.
Chorus

K Reichert 9/3/2013

Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.

www.soundclick.com/kathyreichert


   
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(@john-sargent)
Noble Member
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 946
 

Nicely written


   
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(@hobson)
Noble Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 794
 

Good job. It's not entirely clear whether the singer has left the Mama's boy or is just taking a break. Maybe that was intentional.

Renee


   
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(@jamestoffee)
Famed Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 2855
 

Hi Kathy,

Good start...nice imagery. :D

Suggestion:

Consider reordering the verses b/c by the time the mama's boy vs comes, we know the singer is happy alone.

Also consider the mama's boy vs in past tense......so it might look like this.......

Chorus:
Having a wonderful time
The sun and the sand are sublime
A tropical drink on a tray
To while the hours away
Some sun block and paperback book
Are pretty much all that it took
To elevate my point of view
It’s a wonderful time without you. (maybe save this line for the 2nd and 3rd time on the chorus and just repeat "To elevate my point of view" the 1st time on the chorus

You always seemED to get your way
In everything thing that you [do/DID]
You never THOUGHT of anyone
It WAS always all about you [KID].......Rhymes did and emphasizes baby boy aspect
Your mother’s precious baby boy
Never learned to face the facts
You never seemed to figure out
That you pay for how you act.

Chorus:

Strolling by the post card stand
It’s really all I can do
To stop myself from picking out
A postcard just for you
I’d send it just to make it clear
I’m happy here on my own
Spending time and drinking wine
In this tropical time zone.

Chorus:

Thanks for sharing :D

James


   
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