Short one this week...
Bright Ride
by BJM
---------
[chorus]
In the middle of nowhere,
You might find me there.
[verse 1]
Fire flies in multi-hued disguise,
lead my tranced out eyes,
like 1999.
All over again.
[verse 2]
Strobes confide while tinkerbell decides,
if she'll ever find,
another pill to ride,
or live another day.
[chorus]
[verse 3]
Faces in a swirl of laser lights,
I'm moving in a daze
but I am more all right.
Then I've ever felt before.
In the middle of nowhere,
you might find me there.
sunsetN!nja
Nice take on the assignment. The rhyme on Verse 1 bothers me a little.
"Fire flies in multi-hued disguise,
lead my tranced out eyes,
like 1999.
All over again.''
I might suggest switching lines 2 and 3.
Something like:
Fire flies in multi-hued disguise,
like 1999.
lead my tranced out eyes,
All over again.
Just a thought I don't know what your musical take on it is so it may work better the other way.
Celt
PS A great week that just keeps getting better.
Short, bitter-sweet, nicely atmospheric.......
:) :) :)
Vic.
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
hey n!nja,
noce take on the assignment. we are at a rave now. i like the fire flies and tinkerbell references here. plus i like the line "another pill to ride". the flow if the song is very raveish (it may not be a real word but it is one now :lol: ) great job.
-CheapThrill
Good piece of writing, presents a good broad brush stroke image of a party without getting too boged down. Good interpretation of the assignment. Verse 3 is really well written you get the sense that the narrator is well and truly caught in the moment of the party and that outside of that moment nothing else matters.
Good stuff
Bob :wink:
You are what you eat, eat well
