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Week 50 choruses - Bob

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Bob
 Bob
(@bob)
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Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 908
Topic starter  

These are two that came to me very quickly when I read the titles

Tightbuns boogie - Chris C

Spray on jeans
Spray on tan
Trying to catch herself
Another man
Out on the floor
Shaking that booty
Showing her goods
In the tightbuns boogie

Being English booty is not a word that sits comfortably with me but I think it's within the context of the chorus

The Way I See it - Montezuma

The Way I See It
We could feed the hungry
The Way I See It
We could give to the poor
The Way I See It
We could shelter the homeless
The Way I See It
We could do so much more

Kind of a social commentary piece

I'm working on some others I'll post in time

Bob :wink:

My Soundclick Page

You are what you eat, eat well


   
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Montezuma
(@montezuma)
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Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 121
 

Tightbuns boogie - Chris C

Spray on jeans
Spray on tan
Trying to catch herself
Another man
Out on the floor
Shaking that booty
Showing her goods
In the tightbuns boogie

I think that the kinda chorus that title was made for :wink:
The Way I See it - Montezuma

The Way I See It
We could feed the hungry
The Way I See It
We could give to the poor
The Way I See It
We could shelter the homeless
The Way I See It
We could do so much more

I like this too. At first I didn't (cliches) but then I started humming something to it and it grew on me a lot.
8)
Ola

“Poetry and Hums aren't things which you get, they're things which get you. And all you can do is go where they can find you.” - Winnie the Pooh


   
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David Hodge
(@davidhodge)
Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 4472
 

Hi Bob

Love Tightbuns Boogie. Nice job there. Likewise with The Way I See It.

If there's anything to add, I've got the same suggestion for both songs and that's to make them a little more active and positive, simply by changing one word in each.

Change the "trying" to "going" (or even "gonna" instead of "going to"):

Going to catch herself
Another man

And then changing all the "could"s to "can"s in the second song:

The Way I See It
We can feed the hungry
The Way I See It
We can give to the poor
The Way I See It
We can shelter the homeless
The Way I See It
We can do so much more

This may seem like such a small thing, but I think it really gives more power to the song. Just my two cents.

Looking forward to more, sir!

Peace


   
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Chris C
(@chris-c)
Famed Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 3454
 

Hi Bob,

Nice to see you in the role of writer. :)

Tightbuns boogie - Chris C

Spray on jeans
Spray on tan
Trying to catch herself
Another man
Out on the floor
Shaking that booty
Showing her goods
In the tightbuns boogie

I loved "Spray on jeans" and "Spray on tan". 8) The whole chorus did a splendid job of bringing the title theme to life. My original idea with the title was just a basic 'boy meets girl at a dance' thing. Instead of the old "Eyes meeting across a crowded room" it was more a "Well muscled buttocks shakin' at each other across a crowded dance floor" feel. She shakes her booty, he admires her gluteal tighness and form and shakes his in return. She acknowledges the signal, and by the end of the song they're doin' the Tighbuns Boogie together. :wink: And that looks like the perfect chorus to go with what should be a good basic thumping primal urge type of song.

Being English booty is not a word that sits comfortably with me but I think it's within the context of the chorus

Worked well for me. 8)

The Way I See it - Montezuma

The Way I See It
We could feed the hungry
The Way I See It
We could give to the poor
The Way I See It
We could shelter the homeless
The Way I See It
We could do so much more

Bono springs immediately to mind to sing this one. 8) Could be an ideal straighforward and singable chorus to go with more detailed social commentary and ideas in the verses. Lots of opportunity to explore the complexities, tensions, and difficulties involved with those issues in the verses, and then push it home with the chorus that we could feed the hungry ... etc.

I liked David's idea that using "can" would make it more active or positive, but "could" would also work well. It would depend on what tone you were setting in the verses. I might have a try at sticking with "could" and see if I can come up with some verses that start by expressing the singer's doubts, and explore all the other priorities they have for their time and money. Maybe the final verse could show a resolution to try and do more personally to support the ideals, and then switch the final chorus to the more determined and emphatic "Can".?

Cheers,

Chris


   
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