Ok, quite frankly I had a boring childhood, even with 2 sisters nothing more than the usual sibling rivalry took place, and seeing as I now live on my own, unless I talk about myself... so not much in the way of past or present experience to go of.
So this is a work of pure fiction.
Envisage, music hall, with a Lancashire twang.. (sorry BlueNIghtAngel, and all our other non-English contributors)
Song Title - Business In The Bushes (Cheers BNA)
INTRO
If only I could speak
Where to start, lots to say
I know all your secrets
And where you hide em all away...
For example
VERSE 1
Little Suzie's got a habit.
Though 15, smokes like a train
Steals money from Dads wallet
Just enough, so he wont complain
And Mum gets too fimiliar
With that guy from 43
But I don't give a damn
As long as she feeds me
CHORUS
I am the family pet
Wont you take me for a walk
I'll do my business in the bushes
And I swear I'll never talk
VERSE 2
As regular as clockwork
Dad takes me out at 10
Just in time for last call
Down at the Jolly Boatmen
And chewing on some gum
As we return, making tracks
We stop off for a piss
Against 43's new hatchback
He's not as daft as he looks my Dad..
CHORUS
VERSE 3
Though riddled with deceipt
It's still an happy home
I'm not the only one come midnight
Thats chewing on a bone
And sleeping on the sofa
Suzie's creeping through the door
If she carries on like this
3 is soon to become 4
CHORUS x 2
Find all you need in your mind, If you take the time
Spadge
This is great. Brought me a big grin while I read it.
Can’t say I can find anything I would change. Meter and rhyme pattern is fine. It flows well. Overall good writing.
Blessings. Olav
Spadge,
Wonderful stuff, this. A great perspective, telling the story throught the dog's eyes. In only a very vague sense, it reminded me of a song called "Della and the Dealer." The chorus of that one is:
"If that cat could talk
what tales he'd tell,
about Della and the Dealer,
and the dog as well.
But the cat was cool,
and he never said a mumbling word."
Your dog reminded me of that cat. Great piece. Really enjoyed it.
-- Scratch 8)
-- Scratch 8)
"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42
hey spadge
you don't have to feel sorry;) at least rhymezone.com told me that 'lancashire twang' is a dialect in north western england, right? :wink:
your song is quite funny in places:))
love the line "He's not as daft as he looks my Dad."
last line of last verse, suzie might get pregnant? did I read that right?
the youth nowadays....15 and pregnant, weird :wink: , I've not even had a boyfriend yet(oops :oops: )
I think this is a good one, only thing that I'd maybe change is the title.
is 'view from the eyes of man's best friend' really your title? it doesn't do the song justice, you could sure come up with something better, couldn't you? I mean you get the POV of a dog in the song, it needn't be in the title. but if you wanna keep it, it's your song:) just me.
guess what came to my mind first when I tried to make up another title? 'business in the bushes' lol...I like that though it might not capture the song wholly. ...'silent accomplice' ...hm :?
anyways, good job:)
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Thanks all for your comments
BlueNightAngel - Yep you got the message of the last line right.
To be honest its hardly funny but England as become a nation of kids raising kids, teenage pregnancy is almost the norm.
Like your ideas on the song title, so yeah I think I will call it
Business In The Bushes.
Cheers.
Find all you need in your mind, If you take the time
hey spadge,
you always manage to come up with very intesting and different takes on the assignments and that is wonderful. this song was very fun to read. the new title really caught my attention do i had to read it. and i liked it. it is great having the pov be the dog. pets are family menbers too, and sometimes treated better than the human members. :lol:
great job with the song.
-CheapThrill
:lol: glad I could be of help, mate.
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
As a Lancashire lad meself, (although we're officially in Merseyside.....)the first thing that came to mind was George Formby....music hall/film star of the 40's/50's, and a huge influence on the young Lennon and McCartney.......
Brought a big smile to my face anyway.......
:D :D :D
Vic.
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Thx Vic
Thats exactly what I had in mind, and after all George was a Wigan lad too.
Find all you need in your mind, If you take the time
yea, I can see the video in my mind. good stuff. :lol: :lol:
Hey Spadge,
Really good work.
Great story with excellent flow. Great ending.
Is there a way to squeeze in just a little more imagery?
Nick
An afterthought - George Formby was obviously a big influence on a young Mr G. Harrison as well - heard the ukulele playing on "Any Road" ?
:) :) :)
Vic
Ey up Wigan!
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
