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Week 51 - "Apology Letter # 7"

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(@marvelousoptimist)
Reputable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 176
Topic starter  

Found a bit of spare time to write.... here's what I came up with for this week.

"Apology Letter # 7"

Dear Julia, Im sorry how things ended
No goodbyes no tears were shed and
No crying strings in minor keys
To bring a closing to the scene
Just a note, not unlike this one
And one morning I was gone.

Sweet Julia, Its been so many years now
Since i got scared and just ran out
And I still couldn't say what for
You've long since forgotten I'm sure
You're over me, i wish you well
And hope you're under someone else

(chorus)
Don't worry I'm not coming back
I know its far too late for that
We're both different people now
Older, wiser, better off without
And I guess i'll just be brief
I've got so many more of these tonight
So here's one last goodbye

(bridge)
Don't go reading too much into this thing
Its just that whiskey gets me reminiscing
And I'm not the sentimental type
But i've been missing everyone tonight

(chorus)
Don't worry I'm not coming back
I know its far too late for that
We're both different people now
Older, wiser, better off without
And I guess i'll just be brief
I've got so many more of these tonight
So here's one last goodbye

P.S. If its not too much to ask
Could you please send my records back?

-marv

Andrew Delaney & The Horse You Rode In On ---> http://www.myspace.com/andrewdelaney

You can and should buy my album "Scoundrels!" in mp3 format on amazon.com or iTunes etc...


   
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(@straycat)
Noble Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 1282
 

.......beautiful, really:)
And hope you're under someone elsethought this one was very clever;)
also loved the bridge and especially this:
But i've been missing everyone tonight

th p.s. is great, too. as is everything. your songs are even harder for me to critique than everyone elses for I never find anything I would change or even think about changing.

I like the title, it fits very well and sums up the story in a way without actually letting much slip.

glad you found some time to write this, it would have been a great loss if you hadn't;)
just hope you find the time to record this :D
bluenightangel

"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin


   
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(@scratchmonkey)
Honorable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 603
 

Hey Marv!,

Great to see you around. I know you've been busy. Anyways, it's always a pleasure to read your work, and this is no exception. The rhymes / meter / flow / story -- all work well. I wonder if the "Whiskey gets me reminiscing" line could be written differently, such that it's the whiskey that remembers, or acts as more of a conduit for the remembering? Maybe not, just a thought.

Anyways, thanks for posting this, it was a pleasure to read.

-- Scratch 8)

-- Scratch 8)


"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42


   
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(@vic-lewis-vl)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 10264
 

hey Marv, good to have you back -

Not quite sure what to make of this, it doesn't quite have the seamless quality of most of your work.....ther are some great lines in there,

"No crying strings in minor keys"

"Don't go reading too much into this thing
Its just that whiskey gets me reminiscing
And I'm not the sentimental type
But i've been missing everyone tonight "

and the ending's brilliant.......can I have my records back please!!! LMAO

but parts of it seem a little forced, as if you've scribbled it in a hurry....it might be just me, but that's just the impression I get.......

It's a good song as it is, but I'm used to better than good.........from you, anyway....

:) :) :)

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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(@geoffrey)
Estimable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 85
 

"Apology Letter # 7" ... i like this title

No crying strings in minor keys ... i like this line a bunch. slips off the tounge

You're over me, i wish you well
And hope you're under someone else .. at first i thought this wasn't a very nice thing to say. i associate being "under" someone as being below them, or not a good relationship.. but the OVER you, UNDER someone else.. it makes sense. i don't know why i'm writting this.. but at first i didn't like it, and now i do... so... let's change the subject..

(chorus)
your chorus says enough to get the idea across. but i can't say there is one line that floors me in it. it reminds me of Bob Dylan sorta. "if you see her, say hello." type shit. but he had the lyric "she might think that i've forgotten her, don't tell her it isn't so." which gave it depth because he's trying to come across as strong, but he let his defenses down. i would say maybe throw in a line that hints at something below the surface.. but if you did that then it wouldn't have the weight of the "can i get my records back?" at the end. cuz ultimately.. that's what this letter is about right?

this isn't a letter of regret. it's not suppose to make peace with the past right?? ......this is all filled with niceties, and blamelessness in order to just get your records back. which is funny.. but the whole "give me my records back you bitch." has been done before. it's hard not to reuse that idea because if i got all MY records back from the hoes i've dated.. my collection would be twice as much. so it does touch home for me. but i guess.. since there is no passion in this song.. what will make or break it is the melody and music itself. it has to be of the same emotion the lyrical content is.. so if you did that... i say "YEAH!".... if the song is all heavy and fast i say "BLAH!"

to listen to my songs for SSC click here http://www.myspace.com/impossibleobjects


   
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