Skip to content
Week 7- 'Snow On Th...
 
Notifications
Clear all

Week 7- 'Snow On The Streets'

5 Posts
4 Users
0 Likes
1,281 Views
+LostBeggining+
(@lostbeggining)
Reputable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 197
Topic starter  

I couldnt help but think of those in poverty and those living on the streets with these songs. I was going to try to create a positive song but when i tryed to start i could only think of the subject of people being lonely at Christmas.

The songs a bit sporadic in places and the meters off in the chorus...but ssssssshhhhhh

'Snow On The Streets'

As the night glistens brightly
Down on the crystal street
He wanders through the darkness
On his tired and broken feet
Cuz Christmas time is for loving
Giving all we have to give
But all he feels is the fall of lonelyness
At this time each and every year

So if we can give something this christmas
May it be to return someones lost smile
Let us stand up and let us hold hands
And then maybe just for a while
Let us think of those who dont ask for much
Just someones selfless hand
And for each present we give out this year
Let us each hold out a hand

As the snow falls so gently
Catching memories and dreams
Its hard to forget the laughter
And the childrens youthful screams
But Christmas is for everyone
When we can leave behind our pain
So may the year that follows after
Bring us seasons of change

So if we can give something this christmas
May it be to return someones lost smile
Let us stand up and let us hold hands
And then maybe just for a while
Let us think of those who dont ask for much
Just someones selfless hand
And for each present we give out this year
Let us each hold out a hand

Kinda....below the standards of the other songs, i know but....hey!

Rain Shadow


   
Quote
Vic Lewis VL
(@vic-lewis-vl)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 10264
 

I like it LB, we should all take time out to think of those less fortunate than our selves, but you know what they say about good intentions....

You have me slightly stumped with this one...musically speaking...i can get a nice rhythm going for the verses but it seems the chorus will only work in a slow ballady kind of mode...I just wonder what you've got in mind, musically?

Nice imagery...

"As the night glistens brightly
Down on the crystal street "

sets a nice tone....

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
ReplyQuote
pbee
 pbee
(@pbee)
Noble Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2096
 

Hi LB,

I like this song too, although there is one thing that bugs me just a little, this bit:
And for each present we give out this year
Let us each hold out a hand

I know what your trying to say but the way it reads at the moment is that for each gift we should hold out our hand for something in return. Now I know that is not what you meant, but that thought did flash accross my mind when I read it.

Other than that I think this is good,

Happy Christmas

pbee


Check out my Reverbnation page here


   
ReplyQuote
Celt
 Celt
(@celt)
Famed Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2649
 

LostBegginings

Nice job and a good sentiment.

You mentioned the meter of the Chorus
beingb off. I think this could be easily fixed
by editing out a few of the extra words.

I also agree with Pbee about the hold out
a hand line.
It makes it sound like you are asking for
something in return

Let me give you my take on the chorus and
see what you think

So if we can give something this christmas
May it be to return someones smile
Let us stand up and let us hold hands
And then maybe for a while
Let us think of those who dont ask much
Just someones selfless hand
And for each present we give out this year
Let us all reach out a hand

Just try to tighten it up a bit.

Merry Christmas

John

My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
ReplyQuote
pbee
 pbee
(@pbee)
Noble Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2096
 

Let us all reach out a hand

yeah, that works for me

cheers

pbee


Check out my Reverbnation page here


   
ReplyQuote