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week51 "by return of post"&"cheers adam&q

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straycat.
(@straycat)
Noble Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 1282
Topic starter  

hey ya, wrote two other things for this week(as there seems to be nothing to say about my first post), need some input;)

By return of post/Poison ink/lock exchanged

*sigh*

Verse1
Dear Poison, here is a package for you
The address has been changed
Now you carry another name
Almost like in a *? :?: ?*
Witness of me murdering the rest of the best
We both ever possessed

Chorus
Hell yeah, I know it's been ages
This is no attempt at resuscitation
That lock has been exchanged
Aims of affection replaced

Poison, don't you think there are things
I could've told the police man
Who arrested me red-handed
At the scene of the crime
You'll be relieved to find I paid it no mind
No thought of betrayal of such a kind

[[I made fun of myself in a resigned definitely mad way
On which only a desperate heart can pace
[Erasing mentally the pages of my diary
Where I wrote about our children
Blackening brutally the calendar blanks you fill
With your dates, in which I planned
Our anniversaries till 2003, January]]

Chorus
Hell yeah, I know it's been ages
This is no attempt at resuscitation
That lock has been exchanged
Aims of affection replaced

After years of arrest I rehabilitated
My bed was shared again
Faces came and went
Left me to clean the mess on my own
Guess what with the broom still in hand, marooned
I found the all dusty sketch of you, me & the moon

Alongside also some other remnants
Thought I'd write a note and send the rest of your stuff
What else? Heard you got married with Jane Fetion, congratulations
I wish you a good life and some luck
Remember us laughing at phrases like that, Poison?
Seems there comes the time we all make use of them

Hell yeah, that lock has been exchanged.

-needs work, question: how is this program called you get as a witness of a crime, say mafioso stuff, in order to stay safe-you get new identity and everything-it needs to be where I made *? :?: ?*
was inspired by mrav's song for the week:)) thanks!

Compulsive writing will cause compelled comfort(Cheers Adam)

Cheers, Adam
I…I don't know why I'm writing you of all people
In fact there's not much I'm sure about lately

A friend said, well today you look like crap
I mean that's nothing a woman wants to hear

The thing is I've always dreamed about this
But just when I thought that I did
A good job at building the basement of my wish
It hit me full force-
It's been ages since I watched the sun call back the shadows
I realized I could do with some endorse
I thought I had backup but the bubbles splintered at the sight of the needle
Leaving behind the stains on the tissue

Save your words, dear, it's still to continue
I've reduced anything but breathing, yet run out of money
Tried to hide it from my daughter, that sweetheart, she suspected
Something like this and said: ”mommy you'd tell me, wouldn't you?”
I've only nodded and gave her a kiss, then behind her back I turned off the lamp and TV that she had left standby
My daughter, she calls me repeatedly and I never managed to reply decently
Only the answering machine connecting us now
God how I miss her,
Our talking away the night on the terrace

…and Adam
I've treated you worse than anything
And you have always been so good to me
I left you for a gambler's reverie
You're married man by now and she's so much nicer than I ever was
A good caring wife and not such a loser

..
Now you'll feel compelled to comfort- I know you that well
And I hate myself for
What I'm doing to you

Sorry, Adam, I apologize for disturbing
Jesus this had to be voiced or I would have been drowning
I am so selfish, please feel free
To tear this letter to pieces

Cheers, Adam
I…I don't know why it, it had to be you
But I, I apologize

--I'm really loving this one, finally got the Bright Eyes style working:))) I've got the singing as mp3, only vocals, no instruments yet(any suggestions welcomed)-ask me and I'll send it to you via mail(might start a dmusic site as well soon and then you can hear it there, but meanwhile...)
you don't wanna know what inspired the lyrics though...(ever watched gilmore girls? shhht don't tell anyone :oops: )

bye*waving*
bluenightangel

p.s. sorry for posting so much in one week, I know this is sickening :wink: just need some input from anyone who wants to

"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin


   
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Vic Lewis VL
(@vic-lewis-vl)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 10264
 

Like the first song best, it has a more immediate impact...interesting point of view.....nice and tight, where sometimes you d tend to ramble a little...but I do love your ramblings!!!

The second song, I'm going to have to look at another couple of times....can't fit a rhythm to it yet, it's not as instantly catchy, and it's a bit wordy......will have a look in the morning, I can get the sense of it, but it's more a poem than a song to me....at the moment...

Yeah, I definitely need another look at this one - if sobriety breaks out in this part of the world....!!!!!

:) :) :)

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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sunsetN!nja
(@sunsetncnja)
Trusted Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 40
 

Are you asking about the witness protection program? The second song is the stronger of the two right now. To me anyway, I can't tell really without knowing how you're hearing it in your head. It does seem more tight and on point than the first one, which was interesting but I had a tougher time following. Good work overall though.


   
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straycat.
(@straycat)
Noble Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 1282
Topic starter  

hey guys :D

thanks for answereing
yes, the witness protection program, that's what I meant- thanks n!nja:))

so then that verse would be:

Dear Poison, here is a package for you
The address has been changed
Now you carry another name
Quite like a witness protection program
Witness of me murdering the rest of the best
We both ever possessed

I'd rather say 'almost like in a ' but I think this would be a tad long...and 'quite like' is something you can say very quickly...flows into each other;)

...hope you noticed the whole 'witness protection/police/arrest' thing is more like a methaphor....(him blaming her alone for killing their love when he himself isn't that innocent either...and the arrest more like the phase of mourning..maybe even started to believe his foolish accusations..)
The second song [...] does seem more tight and on point than the first one
sunsetN!nja..did you really mean 'cheers adam' when refering to the second one? for vic thought it was just the other way around(which also seems more logical to my mind :wink: )-maybe you just confused 1st and 2nd cause you were writing in a hurry? if you really meant it the way you wrote it then thanx:) would be cool if you thought 'cheers adam' was more tight;)

alright, thank you both a lot
bluenightangel

....vic, don't you ever check your mails? adam is waiting there for you :wink:

"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin


   
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