Dunno if this is what you're after, but it's what I came up with.
It's entirely a work of the imagination, I've been happily married to the same woman for over 21 years. An Australian reference, bowling Flintoff for a golden pair. As far as cricket goes, that's about as good as it gets. English and Australian cricket lovers will need no further explanation at all.
The genre is pretty much hard core country (oxymoron alert needed?). anyway, here it is.
THE LAST TIME
You could never call me refined
My language isn't pretty, and there's not much I do real well
If it worried you, you neve gave a sign
Or if you did it must have been
Too subtle for me to tell
I'm a bitzer, a mongrel, a mutt
You come with this mile long pedigree
My mates all thought that I was nuts
And I never in my wildest dreams thought
You would have a moment to spare for me
Bridge, or chorus, or some bloody thing
It only goes to show how wrong a bloke can be
The times we spent together were the best I ever knew
I never figured out what it was you saw in me
But I felt like I'd bowled Flintoff for a golden pair
When I was knockin' round with you.
They reckon every dog has his day
Once it's gone, you never get it back
When I saw you with that Afghan, there was nothin' to say
Except my fantasy was over, time
For me to be headin' down the track.
Bridge, or chorus, or some other bloody thing
So take that as a warning, if you have ears to hear
You arrive in this world naked, and you'll leave without a stitch
I have learned my lesson, don't you fear
It's strictly reproduction now, I'm not
Givin' my heart away to another bitch.
Go Deeeeeees, bury this rubbish.
Hey Doc,
I like this song despite my comments. There are things about it really appeal to me and there are others that I'm not so keen on. I do like what you are saying in the verses but:
My language leaves a bit to be desired, and I smell
And
Your family thought I wasn't fit to sniff your butt
I don't really like the “and I smell†or “sniff your butt†.
I accept that our character sees himself as totally unrefined and so in that context I can understand why you used it, but for me I feel that they are forced phrases to comply with the animal theme. Also the rest of the song is quite poetic and these phrases seem out of place here.
I had a laugh at this line :lol: :
When I saw you with that Afghan, there was nothin' to say
It seems that this song is only verses, so Id like to see some more structure in there with maybe a chorus or something.
I hope I'm not being too critical cos like said, I quite like it :D .
pb
Hm, you might be right on some of those things.
Go Deeeeeees, bury this rubbish.
:)
It's definitely improved since you made the changes. I think there's a few venues round Oz where it would go down fine.
I wouldn't mind bowling Flintoff for a golden pair either - athough Pietersen might be even better. Harder to sing Pietersen though... :shock:
Hey Dr
thanks for the alert :lol:
is this song about my life ? :lol:
I think your characterisms of the narrator is quite clever and portraying the story very colurfully .
I do believe that this would probably only be to the likings of an Australian audience given the fact of the Australian humour content . I don't think the Poms would like it that much and the Yanks would not understand .As for the rest of the world they would look at it and say something like silly Australian fool .
But then again I might be wrong ( would not be the first time and would not be the last )
Summing up I like it the story is told in colourful ways with many terrific lines in there my favourite :
"You arrive in this world naked, and you'll leave without a stitch "
I just adore that line 8)
well done Dr Grace well done :wink:
Cheers
L.K :arrow:
Aghhhh
Not only am I a senior citizen
I'm now a bloody senior member
Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?
over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )
Dr,
Well done !
At first I was going to echo Pbee's comments,but it was late and I
was tired.
I found the rewrite this morning and think you did a terrific job.
I liked the song before but it is much better now.
Celt
Hey Doc,
the rewrite is great well done :D . Sorry I didnt pick up on the bridges :oops: .
I liked it before I like it even better now.
pb
