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WK47 - Rattlers and Demons

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sunsetN!nja
(@sunsetncnja)
Trusted Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 40
Topic starter  

I've never really experienced anything like a hurricane, but I have seen some pretty crazy lightning displays in the desert around eastern california, western nevada/arizona. And since I love the desert so much I tried to combine the two.

Rattlers and Demons
-by BJM

Thunderheads are giant ghosts,
patrolling the horizon.
Broke-down cars in a dried-up wash,
rattlesnakes and demons.

Michael son of neon lies,
said winter was the season.
When cracked earth cared and desert wind,
whispered all their reasons.

[chorus]
I just want to hear the sound
of rain drops on dry ground.
--
Wash away
my life today,
or tomorrow might never come.
Drown my hate
in desert rain,
where outlaws come undone.

Mesas become waterfalls,
coyotes learn to swim.
I turn around and drive back home,
To say goodbye again.

[bridge or outro?]
This wasteland is so beautiful,
a sun-baked state of mind.
And if I ever stop to think,
May lightning strike my soul and
bring me back to life.

[chorus]
May lightning strike my soul and
bring me back to life.


   
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straycat.
(@straycat)
Noble Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 1282
 

hey sunset.

seems you can take the pressure:))

yet another very good song.
only thing...the part following your first chorus('wash away' till 'undone') and 'May lightning strike my soul and
bring me back to life.' seem slightly wrong to me(can't say why..could be just me..it's not so that you would have to take it out, by no means..)

I adore these:
I just want to hear the sound
of rain drops on dry ground.
a sun-baked state of mind.

thanks for putting a smile on my face:)
bluenightangel

"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin


   
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scratchmonkey
(@scratchmonkey)
Honorable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 603
 

seems you can take the pressure:))

here here.

This is quite well done. I think I tend to aim more toward telling a story when I sit down to write a song, but this piece is more of a description of how you feel when you're out there, which is a really terrific angle to take. I thought these lines were fantastic:
Drown my hate
in desert rain,
where outlaws come undone.

Thanks,

-- Scratch 8)

-- Scratch 8)


"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42


   
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sozay
(@sozay)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 173
 

nice work! i havent read any of your stuff before and i really liked this.
i felt like i lost the rhythm in a couple of place, but that aside some really good lines
especially
Michael son of neon lies,
said winter was the season.
When cracked earth cared and desert wind,
whispered all their reasons.

look forward to reading more
sozay

currently number 60 in total posts... and shooting for number 1!!


   
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Celt
 Celt
(@celt)
Famed Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2649
 

Sunsetninja,

Although I live in the Northeast where we don't have much desert I was lucky enough to see a storm when visiting New Mexico a couple of years ago. You really caught the feel of it.

"This wasteland is so beautiful,
a sun-baked state of mind.
And if I ever stop to think,
May lightning strike my soul and
bring me back to life. "

I may have to come back and reread this when the snow starts piling up on us here.

Celt

My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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Vic Lewis VL
(@vic-lewis-vl)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 10264
 

Thunderheads are giant ghosts,
patrolling the horizon.
Broke-down cars in a dried-up wash,
rattlesnakes and demons.

Wow, that's a real attention grabber.....lovely mood piece, this, really descriptive.......you've got me running for cover!!!

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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