So I got to thinking...what if Bruce Springsteen was born in Newton-le-Willows instead of New-le-Jersey? This is what I came up with after several drinks......
A Quiet Little Corner
Well there's a quiet little corner of Hawthorn and Acorn,
Where some of the guys like to meet at night,
And kind of drift towards the railway tunnel,
Shelter from the rain under the subway light,
Pass a cigarette around and share a drink,
From a cheap bottle that came from somewhere,
Tell a few dirty jokes and stories,
Man, it felt so good just being there..
With friends my age, with the same teenage dreams,
About rock'n'roll and cars and girls,
But we drifted away when we hit sixteen,
When we left school and joined the real world....
Well there's a quiet little pub on High Street,
Where some of the guys still meet sometimes,
Ain't many of us left, but we share a table,
And a beer or two, and talk about old times,
And we go outside for a cigarette,
And smoke in the pouring rain,
Under a brolly the landlord's lent us,
And laugh and say, "What a PAIN!"
With friends my age, with the same discarded dreams,
About rock'n'roll and those untouchable girls,
And how we drifted away when we hit sixteen
And how these days we rail against the world....
Well there's a quiet little cemetery off Park Road South,
Where most of those guys now reside,
With my mother and father and grandparents,
And my uncles and aunties besides....
And my friends my age no longer dream,
Most of 'em are dead and gone,
And the few of us left, been friends for years,
Feel like we're just hanging on....
Well there's a quiet little corner of Hawthorn and Acorn,
Where some of the guys like to meet at night,
And kind of drift towards the railway tunnel,
Shelter from the rain under the subway light,
I walk through while I'm walking the dogs,
Light a cigarette and hope I don't find,
Any of the grandkids smoking or drinking,
I'll give 'em a piece of my mind....
___________________________________________
Musically, I'm thinking along the lines of "Racing in the Streets" off "Darkness On The Edge Of Town".....
:) :) :)
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Hi Vic,
Looks great! :mrgreen: It seems like you really got into the Bruce Springsteen "vibe". 8)
Nice job tracking the singer's life through the years. The concrete details really add a lot of detail....which seemed to be the emphasis of the assignment.
I hope you get to record this one. :D
James
Vic, other than the fact that I had to google the meaning of "brolly," I think you've done a fabulous job.
Renee
Vic!! :D
I love the atmosphere you create here, especially here:
And kind of drift towards the railway tunnel,
Shelter from the rain under the subway light,
yay for hawthorn and acorn, too!
also really like how "drifting towards" in the first stanza and "drifting away" in the first chorus link (meant to?).
some of the phrases (liek the "well, there's a..") and the general rhythm/sentiment feel very springsteen to me, thumbs up for that! but you've definitely made it your own, too, i think.
other bits i thinka re great writing:
- how most of the guys "reside" on the cemetery
- that lovely flow in "landlord's lent us"
- making the whole circle from own youth to the grandkids
i'd be really curious to hear this because there are some places where i sort of stumble a bit flow-wise (though i bet you've got it all worked out) like "and a beer or two" - but maybe there's a pause in there somewhere that i'm missing. :roll:
only criticism i'd have is that "joined the real world" and "we rail against the world" feel a tad .. i don't know.. generic maybe? the rest of your lyrics is quite specific, very personal i think, so that seemed a bit off. can't think of anything else to suggest (and mr springsteen has probably used those phrases somewhere, too) so just ignore me there ;-)
great job, love the amount/detail of atmosphere/feeling you created without actually describing emotions much as such. :D
cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Hi Vic, very nice, great imagery. But what do you think of a bit more brevity? It seems half your lines in the verse have an intro and half don't. I read it a few times and think I might like it better with less.
On the corner of Hawthorn and Acorn,
I meet the guys at night,
drift towards the railway tunnel,
Shelter from the rain under the subway light,
Pass a cigarette around and share a drink,
From a cheap bottle that came from somewhere,
Tell a few dirty jokes and stories,
Man, it felt so good just being there..
The "some of" and "kind of" dilute the power. Just my 2 cents...
Wonderfully evocative, Vic. Hanging around with the boys.... and railway tunnels, brollies and rain... Took me back half a century... :wink:
The "some of" and "kind of" dilute the power. Just my 2 cents...
I know what you mean Nick, and I'm beginning to think I'm one of those people who tend to use 10 words where a couple of well-chosen ones will do, and a lot of them are unnecessary filler words - yep, that's a problem I've always had. Too wordy. And yet....in this song, I was trying to get across the feeling of a long ago time - and the way we talked back then. "Sort of" - sorta - and "kind of" - kinda - were the Americanisms that were creeping into the English vernacular back then. It's just the way we were....and like I've said, I was hugely influenced by the first two albums.....kinda (!) like Dylan with attitude backed with a s**t hot rock'n'roll band.
So yes, I've still got all my old faults - I try to eradicate 'em, or at least keep 'em in check....and I'm looking back at this a week or so later, and I'm thinking, there's nothing really to pick fault with. EXCEPT....I'm ripping off someone else's style. It sounds OK to me when I play it on acoustic, and I've got a nice organ part worked out.....but it isn't me. It sounds like Bruce's idiot brother when I try to record it....and that's why it won't be a keeper, and why I'll probably never play it again, or even record it, after this week ends.
Ultimately, I want my songs to sound like I'VE written them....
At the same time, I enjoyed the assignment - BUT.....I don't want to sound like, or write for, someone else. End of the day, I want to write songs that people will listen to and think, "Oh, yeeah, now that's Vic lewis." I want to be ME......for better or worse! I'm still, after seven years or so as a member of this group, trying to find my own voice - I mentioned this in the feedback thread, my biggest problem as a writer is that when I listen to a song I've written and recorded, I can tell EXACTLY who I was listening to at the time....
That's the stumbling blck I HAVE to get past....everything I do sounds like someone else. Well, not everything - there might be half a dozen songs out of my 150+ SG songs that DON'T sound like anyone else......
It's also the reason why I tend to drift in and out of the SSG these days....there was a time, about 5 years or so ago, I'd get an idea for a song almost every day. These days, they're few and far between...which is why I need the SSG, to get my brain working.
but at the end of the day, I LIKE writing songs. I like writing lyrics, I LOVE putting music to them, and it's something I'll probably always do. All I ned is a word or a phrase....and I'm happy (ish) with what I write.
But, as always, constructive criticism is always welcome, taken note of, and filed away....
:D :D :D
Vic
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
my biggest problem as a writer is that when I listen to a song I've written and recorded, I can tell EXACTLY who I was listening to at the time....
.. i doubt that i know a single person who isn't influenced by people they admire (no matter which art form). like a teacher of mine once said in an academic essay writing class, in reply to the question where our personal point of view is in an essay if we're supposed to write objectively (avoiding the use of "i") and quote loads: "the choice of material says a lot about who you are, as well".
so if the one or other (or couple of) influences peek through in your songs, that's just adding another dimension of your personality to it. :D
i do get you though (one's own voice, that's a brilliant thing to aspire to! :note1: :note2: ), just wanted to put this out there anyway because i think it's true, too. and it might cheer you up a bit :wink:
cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
I'm still, after seven years or so as a member of this group, trying to find my own voice -
Sometimes the best way to find something is to stop looking for it.
Sounds like the sort of mock oriental wisdom that should have "Grasshopper" after it.... but there's some truth in it. :)
I also think that with songs there's quite a strong connection between your writing 'voice' and your actual singing voice. I can churn out alleged light humorous verse that looks OK on the page, but it's only when I try and sing it that I find out whether it works properly or not as a song. I was away interstate last week so I'm busy catching up with other things this week but I did have a look at Nick's assignment for week 4 and spent about half an hour singing just two words over and over in different ways, trying to find the right musical feel to go with a chorus/hook. I've seen the approach of writing outwards from a title suggested before as a a strategy but never really tried it. Very interesting exercise.
You have a very distinctive vocal style so maybe that's another possible way to look at it? If you concentrate on building out from your voice - the sounds that suit you, your vocal range, various jumps and falls that seem to work for you, etc - then perhaps you may find that the words and music will start to shape themselves around that aspect, without you looking at them too directly? If that makes sense! :wink:
One of the most intriguing things about songwriting is that the most banal lyrics or hackneyed chords can still spring to new life with the addition of an interesting rhythm, a small change in note length, a shift in pitch or tone, or one of dozens of small possible variations. A few seconds of really successful noise - i.e. an appealing match of lyric and music - can often achieve more than a whole page of words that we've sweated blood over. We often seem to over-concentrate on words here - because that's the easiest to present in a post - but it's the noise they make that really matters. Let's face it, who has the luxury of hearing all the lyrics these days? You can spent a night at a pub or concert and hear less than 25% of the words with any clarity. At least that's how it seems to me at the moment.
I hope we get to hear more of your work here soon Vic - even if it's just a sung phrase or a scrap of chorus. A week isn't much time to get a whole song done, but it's plenty of time to get a general idea and then to do some work on a particular aspect, even if it's just one good line.
Cheers,
Chris
Hey Vic
Good to see you writing again.
Change some of the minor details like street names
and I lived this one.
Nice Job
John
