Y10 W24 - Headlines and Movies + MP3

Interesting read Please get some music down, I'm having trouble picturing the flow of words.

Ditto - I need to hear this. With the right music it could be wonderful

Hey Dylan,

Great to see you posting :D Looks like the makings of an interesting story developing.

Suggestion:
Consider giving a spoiler in the first few lines to let the listener/reader know what is going on. I read through a couple times and have no idea what this is about, :oops: so as a reader/listener, the mystery doesn't draw me in, it keeps me out.

A couple lines of what's going on at the beginning, then I can be with you on the car ride....tension mounting situation....something about a gun.....or laughing it off...... :?: yeah I tried another read....I don't know if the girl is scared, in trouble, just tired, if some guy is trying to help her or hurt her, if she is a famous person....i dunno :?

I'm open for clarification.

Thanks for sharing....I look forward to a listen as well :D

James

So the story I am getting from it is that a girl has got in a taxi rather than wait in a long bus/tube queue & her imagination is running riot (fueled by lurid films & news stories) - ie its not safe just getting into an unknown car like that. Then when she gets to destination its relief to get out of the car & she realises she was being silly to get in a panic.
Did I get that right?
I think its an intriguing song - looking forward to hearing it...

Hey Hi all

Wow, has it really been 14 months since I last wrote a song :shock:

Congratulations on putting something together. Keep it up. Some questions to stimulate, but go with what reflects the feeling you had when writing. How do you feel about the lyric? Stand pat or looking for feedback?
For music you mentioned Bon Jovi, soft rock. Maybe start with a song structure you know and like and work from there? If building from scratch how about tempo? slow or faster? change it up or constant? A quiet story song? Or building to a crescendo in the last chorus?
I'm looking forward to hearing this one and more of your stuff!

Hi all

Thanks for the comments. Hi James, always like to keep you thinking.. :wink: Just like the good old days! :D

Hagrider has got the essence of the story correct - it's one of these songs that a video would reveal all. I definitely like the listener/reader to work for their money and maybe make up their own characters and sub-plots.

This might seem a bit obscure but I recently travelled to Paris and jumped in a cab to the hotel. Although I am comfortable travelling in other countries, the guy didn't say much, was dressed all in black and spent the whole journey which was about 40 minutes talking into his mobile phone about who knows what...

As I say, not a problem for me but made me think that someone a bit more vulnerable which a vivid sense of imagination. In this case a girl that's just landed in a foreign land to visit her boyfriend/husband/lover and instead of waiting in the taxi rank with all the others, gets another cab elsewhere. She doesn't know where she is going, only where she has told the driver... and so the journey begins....

Music and tempo, hmm, yes, let's grab the guitar and have a strum - rock ballad quite possibly.

Here's a change of lyrics and some music to get started...

Headlines and Movies

(D)She is a prisoner
(C)by her own (G) request
(D)Take me where I've (C)asked to go,
not thinking, he's not the same as the rest

(D) She tries to relax
(C) there's nothing more she can (G) do now
(D) Watch the numbers add (C) up,
was it better than waiting in line at the back of the queue

(D)Too many headlines, (Cadd9)too many movies makes ten miles seem like a (G) lifetime
(D) Little girl lost in an (Cadd9) ocean of doubt waiting to get thrown a (G) lifeline
(Em) If she gets through this (A)night, (Em) everything will be all (A) right
(D) She's gotta make it, got to (Cadd9)get to the place, (G) the right place at the (D)right time

(D) Should she ask,
(C) how much further there is to (G) go now
(D) The headlights light up the (C) trash in the road,
how we all love to hate the unknown

(D) He talks on the phone
(C) speaking some words she can't (G)hear
(D) Looks like he's won, he (C) might have a gun,
she's there alone and there's nowhere to run

D, Cadd9, G, D, Cadd9, G, Em, A, Em, A, D, Cadd9, G, D

(D) Turn onto mainstreet
(C) that burst into city (G)life
(D) Neon colors (C) dance on the glass,
her heart beating faster, the fear will soon pass

(D) Step from the nightmare
(C) into the arms of her (G) lover
(D) Laughs to herself what the (C)fuss was about,
the mind plays the tricks but in love there's no doubt

(D)Too many headlines, (Cadd9)too many movies makes ten miles seem like a (G) lifetime
(D) Little girl lost in an (Cadd9) ocean of doubt waiting to get thrown a (G) lifeline
(Em) If she gets through this (A)night, (Em) everything will be all (A) right
(D) She's gotta make it, got to (Cadd9)get to the place, (G) the right place at the (D)right time
(D) She's gotta make it, got to (Cadd9)get to the place, (G) the right place at the (D)right time
(D) She's gotta make it, got to (Cadd9)get to the place, (G) the right place at the (D)right time

Rock on!
D 8)

Hi Dylan
good to see you writing again. Would love to hear this, Im picking that the chorus builds up the tempo/tension as her thoughts kick in and then back down to the verses for more observations. I like it cheers

Paul

Are you ready to do a rough recording? It looks like you are comfortable with your chord progression on this one now.

Hi all

Atrocious guitar playing and equally atrocious vocals... all part of the Dylan Barrett experience...

Anyways it gives you an idea of the how I see the song working.

Thanks for listening :lol:

http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=11575062&q=hi

Rock on!
D 8)

At an open mike, the host took me aside and suggested that I stop being self deprecating. If Bob Dylan can sing, anyone can sing.
Keep up the good work.

+1

Hi Dylan,

Nice job on the delivery with both the singing and playing. :D

Suggestions: Consider adding an additional chord progression for the verse or chorus. Also try some minor chords. With the major chords and laid back strumming style, it doesn't match the lyrics of tension and uncertainty of the anxiety the woman is feeling about making it to her destination unharmed.

Thanks for sharing.

James

Hi Dylan,

Nice job on the delivery with both the singing and playing. :D

Suggestions: Consider adding an additional chord progression for the verse or chorus. Also try some minor chords. With the major chords and laid back strumming style, it doesn't match the lyrics of tension and uncertainty of the anxiety the woman is feeling about making it to her destination unharmed.

Thanks James

Battling with the ideas, guitar and vocals at the moment. I have rewritten some of the lyrics which I am more comfortable with although there's always room for improvement. I added the E and A to get a bit of tension but maybe that's not enough... Driving me nuts last night with the chorus ringing in my head over and over... so I need to lay the demon to rest! :wink:
At an open mike, the host took me aside and suggested that I stop being self deprecating. If Bob Dylan can sing, anyone can sing.

You do have a point there... Thanks for listening. I am just getting back into the recording and groaning after a long lay-off ... I know I can do better.. :? :lol:

Rock on!
D 8)