Y10 W30 Senses To Lift the Spirit

Hi Andy,

Good start :D Good job sticking to the topic of senses.

Suggestion: Consider choosing images with linking qualities to build on the previous idea rather than destroy. A lot of starts and stops to the flow of thought distract the listener from being able to stop thinking about the words and start thinking about the message/meaning.

For example: v1 comes across the most cohesive (signs of outdoor nature)....v2 starts with a jam session feel, but "Cardinal sings on a wire" doesn't fit with the other images......even "Embers glow cookout campfire" can fit, but then electric guitars is questionable for a link

Then v3 has the fewest connected ideas, so the listener has to tear down or destroy one image to make room for the new.....rain.....now food.....now hugs.

Takes what helps and toss the rest :wink:

Thanks for sharing.

James

Sometimes I agree with James. :wink: It seems like stream of consciousness. Some good lines there, but the ideas don't tie together.

James and Renee,
Thanks for the read and comments. :) I'm still finding the balance between too many and too few words. :shock: The list started as a sense-based gratitude list. I had about four more verses worth of material and pared it down by finding rhymes. The inspiration actually all is outside. I guess most people live so much of life inside I can see where I needed to clarify to make that clearer. I made a couple changes to the guitar lines and added a transitional word or two to connect the lines for readability. How about :?: :

Intro
G l l C l G l l

Verse 1
G l l C l G l l
Outside clear blue skies bright moon light
G l l D l l l
over passing smiles eagles in flight
G l l C l G l l
under endless clouds buzz worker bees
G l l D l G l l
past butterflies in the warm breeze

Chorus
Am l G l l C l Dadd11 l
WIth senses to lift the spirit connect with the world surround
Am l Em l l C l D l G l
just shift the inward focus to smells tastes sights touches and sounds

Verse 2
G l l C l G l l
Shade tree strum guitar strings vibrate
G l l D l l l
Sitka acoustic soundboard resonates
G l l C l G l l
A perched red cardinal sings on a wire
G l l D l G l l
over embers glow cookout campfire

Repeat Chorus

Bridge
C l l G l l
In a connected universal link
C l l G l l
to a semi-conscious dream state
C l l Em l l
Except life is not what we think
C l D l G l l
so let's sense it before we're too late

Verse 3
G l l C l G l l
Inhale cleansed air in summer rain
G l l D l l l
Washed down healing seeds release from pain
G l l C l G l l
Wrapped in the warm sun's love and caress
G l l D l G l l
Nature's welcome sense all the best

Repeat Chorus

C l D l G l
smells tastes sights touches and sounds

How about :?: :
Nice job on the revisions. :D
The new lines help the listener stay "in the moment" of the song.

Andy, I see that you got rid of the electric guitar reference. But some things still don't fit. For example, in the first verse you start off with moonlight. But eagles, bees and butterflies don't fly at night. Owls and bats are out at night. So are coyotes. Bunnies sometimes. Also, "cleansed air in summer rain" doesn't fit with the warmth of the sun. Maybe "cleansed air after summer rain."

I don't get the line "Washed down healing seeds release from pain."

Renee and James, thanks again for the read and the input. I didn't mean for it to be too literal or flow like a story. :lol: Here in Florida we do occasionally get rain when the sun is shining (in evening) and I love seeing the moon in the sky during daylight. The seeds line especially, :roll: and the song does still need work.

Here is a recording:

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11709013

Nice tune. Don't be offended, but it brings to mind Melanie Safka from the 70s.