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Y10 W52 - This Is Not a Drill


(@hobson)
Prominent Member
Joined: 12 years ago
Posts: 794
Topic starter  

I finally have some time to devote to songwriting again. Just a first draft so far. Like Mr Eworm, I was all over the place on a topic until I settled on this one.

verse:

Don't worry. Don't panic. This is not a drill.
Be self-sufficient. Things could come to a standstill.
A monster storm is coming. Don't know quite when.
We don't know how far the damage will extend.

chorus:

Hurricanes,
Torrential rains,
Snow and sleet.
Hold onto your seat,
Come what will.
This is not a drill.

verse:

Stock up on supplies. Buy food by the case.
But be ready to move. You might be displaced.
Have water and medicine, batteries and flashlights.
The sun will be gone. Day will be night.

chorus

verse:

This could be the big one or maybe not.
If it is, you'll be grateful for what you've got.
You'll be happy you're ready for the end of time.
It's a good day to drink your best bottle of wine.

chorus

Renee


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(@john-sargent)
Prominent Member
Joined: 12 years ago
Posts: 948
 

Very timely and appropriate. I lived through a "get out of the house in a boat flood" in 96 and have empathy whenever I see a disaster like Sandy.
Great topic. Good lyric.


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(@jamestoffee)
Famed Member
Joined: 13 years ago
Posts: 2852
 

Hi Renee,

Good write :D This is my favorite line "It's a good day to drink your best bottle of wine."......Yeah, one is always wondering when that "right time" is going to be.

"Don't worry. Don't panic. This is not a drill."

This doesn't sit quite right with me.

Maybe the way it is sung will make a difference.

It seems to be saying two opposite things.... However maybe instead of a negative "Don't" you could use the positive....."relax"........"stay calm".....Our school fire drill has this message "The fire alarm has been activated. Please exit all buildings calmly and quietly".....and repeats for the duration of the drill alternating between a male and female speaker.

"This could be the big one or maybe not."

This comment could be just me, so ignore if you like the line and it says what you want it to.
I find a line like this as being unhelpful to the overall momentum of a song. It seems like with so few words and so little time in a song, you want to be making statements that count towards understanding the message, but a line like this takes the time to build up and idea and then make it null.....so why say it in the first place?.....
Now I understand the line isn't that long in itself, but as a listener, I am now pulled out of the song to try to figure out what the song is about...is it the big one or not? is the singer misinformed/trustworthy? are they blowing things out of proportion or is the rest of the world ignorant?........

......I think it's better to commit the the idea....but again the "maybes" and "ifs" could be serving a purpose I am missing.....The point is, I shouldn't have to be wondering about these things, I should know what's going on as the song is almost over by the 3rd verse.............take or leave what you see fit

Thanks for sharing.

James


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(@davidhodge)
Member Moderator
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 4485
 

Hi Renee

I think James hits a very good point and especially since it's the first line of the song you want to be setting everything up. Maybe going with

This is not a test. This is not a drill.

might work. "Warning" in place of "test" might work as well.

Looking forward to hearing how this works out.

Peace


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(@hobson)
Prominent Member
Joined: 12 years ago
Posts: 794
Topic starter  

I took some of the advice offered by James and David. I revised a few lines and rearranged the first verse. Here's the recording:

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=832466&songID=11978946

verse:

A monster storm is coming. Don't know quite when.
We don't know how far the damage will extend.
Stay calm. Don't panic. This is not a drill.
Be self-sufficient. Things could come to a standstill.

chorus:

Hurricanes,
Torrential rains,
Snow and sleet.
Hold onto your seat,
Come what will.
This is not a drill.

verse:

Stock up on supplies. Buy food by the case.
Be ready to move. You might be displaced.
Have water and medicine, batteries and flashlights.
The sun will be gone. Day will be night.

chorus

verse:

This could be the big one, though we hope it's not.
Be prepared. You'll be grateful for what you've got.
You'll be happy you're ready for the end of time.
It's a good day to drink your best bottle of wine.

chorus

Renee


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(@jamestoffee)
Famed Member
Joined: 13 years ago
Posts: 2852
 

Hi Renee,

Sounding good. :D

Maybe "A monster storm is coming." could be heightened in intensity......"The end of the world is coming"..........with a reason why...........because it's not clear in the chorus if these natural events are happening simultaneously or the singer isn't sure what kind of storm it is.

For example, Torrential rains and Snow and sleet don't happen at the same time in the same place....it's one or the other unless these were chain reactions to the Earth shifting or dieing etc, nuclear rain fallout...........

.........In any case a storm would not make the sun disappear and day called night....."The sun will be gone. Day will be night."

The gist of the idea comes across, it's just some slight changes to details that could add to the impact of the song.

Thanks for sharing.

James


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