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Y11W18 When I Was Sane

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(@chefie)
Prominent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 553
Topic starter  

WHEN I WAS SANE

http://www.soundclick.com/neilstuart

When I was sane, but I’m not sure when that was
I don’t think I knew pain, or I didn’t know then what it does
It was a long time ago, I think
not sure, there’s a missing link

When I was sane, When I was sane, When I was sane

When did I cross over to the other side
when did I start to think differently, when did I start to hide
I think it was easier then,
but I have difficulty remembering when

when I was sane, when I was sane , when I was sane

I’m trying to put things back in place, back then it was normal pace
now I’m not sure what normal is, it might as well be a quiz
I’m trying to connect
trying to reflect

when I was sane, when I was sane, when I was sane

each morning I take a little pill
people ask me over and over again how do I feel
I tell them it really doesn’t matter
the pill I take makes my life flatter and flatter

they say I’m insane, they say I’m insane
they say I’m insane

I can teach you everything you never wanted to know
I can make you laugh and cry, I can even make you grow
you live in your private world, I live in mine
I can open up your eyes, I can blow your mind

maybe I’m insane, maybe I’m insane, maybe I’m insane

I don’t know what I’m talking about, I don’t think I care
why are you looking at me, why do you stare
you think you’re in a better place
you who live in that ratty ratty race

you think I’m insane, you think I’m insane
you think I’m the one who’s insane


   
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(@jamestoffee)
Famed Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 2855
 

Hi Neil,

Good start :D I think the gist comes across well; nice upbeat tempo to boot.

Suggestions:
When I was sane, but I’m not sure when that was

Maybe more straightforward-----I'm not sure when I was sane

I'd say a good place to wrap up the song would be right before these 2 verses......the rest doesn't seem to add much to what has already been said.

Cut these 2 verses------
I can teach you everything you never wanted to know
I can make you laugh and cry, I can even make you grow
you live in your private world, I live in mine
I can open up your eyes, I can blow your mind

maybe I’m insane, maybe I’m insane, maybe I’m insane

I don’t know what I’m talking about, I don’t think I care
why are you looking at me, why do you stare
you think you’re in a better place
you who live in that ratty ratty race

you think I’m insane, you think I’m insane
you think I’m the one who’s insane

Thanks for sharing :D

James


   
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(@chefie)
Prominent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 553
Topic starter  

Thanks, James.
When I was sane, but I’m not sure when that was

I was going for a lack of clarity . . . . . .

your suggestion
I'm not sure when I was sane

gives a totally different meaning . . . . . . certainly a different twist altogether. I need to look at how it might affect the rest.

And I pretty much agree with you about the last two verses. I was working on two different ideas this week and somehow got off track. It's not the direction that I origanally wanted to go . . . . . and the minute I posted it, I knew they were wrong.

Thanks for the help and insight.

Neil


   
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 pbee
(@pbee)
Noble Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2096
 

Hi Neil,

yes I think that there might be too much going on in here.

V1 & V2 you’re questioning yourself
V3 is almost like trying to justify your behaviour to others
V4 elaborates on that behaviour and how you feel about it
V5 you say it’s not all bad you’ve learnt something you’re prepared to share
V6 back to questioning yourself, your hurt and you’re lashing out.

All of these themes are worthy in themselves but are competing for my attention when delivered in one song. Perhaps choose one, the question/hurt/lashing shows promise and build your song around that. Sometimes less is more if you know what I mean.

Cheers
Paul


Check out my Reverbnation page here


   
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(@john-sargent)
Noble Member
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 946
 

The lyrics work for me but the melody/music don't seem to really fit it that well. My .02.

Of course, I haven't done anything on this weeks topic at all.


   
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