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Y11W20 - Blue Loughs and Green HIlls

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(@hobson)
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Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 794
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I haven't been writing much lately and hope this gets me back into the habit. First it was family issues, then a busy time with my chorus, then (no complaints) a trip to Hawaii.

I recorded this yesterday, but am not happy with the recording. So, for now, it's just the lyrics. NOTE: Lough means lake and is pronounced like lock.

verse:

When I left my home to cross the sea,
I thought it would be for a year.
Now a year and a lifetime have passed
And I find myself still here.

chorus:

Oh, Ireland, how I long to see
Your blue loughs and green hills.
Oh, Ireland, how I long to hear
Your hornpipes, jigs and reels.

verse:

I lost my heart to someone here
But I left my soul with you.
When I catch the sweet scent of a bog
My spirit is renewed.

chorus

verse:

What I wouldn't give for a bowl of coddle
Or a boxty on the griddle.
A proper tea with some company
Or a pub with bones and fiddle.

chorus

Renee


   
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(@john-sargent)
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Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 946
 

It certainly sounds Irish. Nice work.


   
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(@jamestoffee)
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Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 2855
 

It certainly sounds Irish. Nice work.
+1
Thanks for sharing. :D ......and Hawaii..........Wow! Fun times!


   
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(@hobson)
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Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 794
Topic starter  

Got it re-recorded to my satisfaction. Some day I would like to add percussion and guitar.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=832466&songID=12238350

Renee


   
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 pbee
(@pbee)
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Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2096
 

Hi Renee,

definitely an Irish feel here :D well done. I have a friend who sings just like you in your mp3.
I feel that the third verse doesn't really add to the story though, v1 establishes the history, v2 the reason they didnt return v3 really just reiterates your chorus. Id like to see some closure of that conflict introduced in v2 heart versus soul

So maybe a v3 something like this
What I wouldn't give for a bowl of coddle
Or a boxty on the plate
but I'll stay with my heart though I miss my old soul
this souls content with its fate

cheers
Paul


Check out my Reverbnation page here


   
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(@jamestoffee)
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Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 2855
 

Sounding good, Renee. :note1:

I looked over the lyrics again b/c of Paul's comment. My suggestion would be to switch v2 and v3. That way the sensory details are sandwiched in between the less concrete verse.....reads a bit more balanced to me.


   
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(@hobson)
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Posts: 794
Topic starter  

Thanks for listening and taking the time to comment.

James, I was going for those sensory details. The only thing missing is touch and I I've decided to add that in verse 3. I'll think about swapping the verses once that's done.

Paul, yes, some closure would be good.

I'm thinking of something like this for the revised verse 3:

While I dream of a bowl of coddle
Or a proper tea,
The gentle touch of my lover's hands
Brings me back from my reverie. OR Brings me back from my memories.

Renee


   
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 pbee
(@pbee)
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Posts: 2096
 

perfect :D

Depending on how you phrase it you can always use "a proper cup of tea".

cheers

Paul


Check out my Reverbnation page here


   
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(@john-sargent)
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Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 946
 

I finally had time to listen to your recording. Well done.


   
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(@hobson)
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Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 794
Topic starter  

I changed the last verse and re-recorded.

While I dream of a bowl of coddle
Or a proper cup o' tea,
The gentle touch of my lover's hand
Brings me back from my reverie.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=832466&songID=12238350

Renee


   
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