Leaping in with enthusiasm, here's my first stab.
So the "three" are the three pronouns he, she and they : male, female and neither/both.
Lou, Louis, Louisa
everyone says that he's a
diamond geezer he's a man of the world
Lou, Louis, Louisa
nobody knows that she's a
dandy dapper chipper chap of a girl
Lou, Louis, Louisa
a regular people pleaser
when he sees a good time to be had
Lou, Louis, Louisa
if you should get to squeeze her
such a teaser she's bit of a lad
Lou, Louis, Louisa
gay as a bright shiny shilling
muscles and manly attire with a feminine filling
Lou, Louis, Louisa
they are one thing and another
bending both sides of the line neither one nor the other
Lou, Louis, Louisa
they, he and she are three sides of a coin,
Lou, Louis, Louisa
holding the Ace, playing the King & the Queen
Lou, Louis, Louisa
they, he and she are three sides of a coin,
Lou, Louis, Louisa
holding the Ace, playing the King & the Queen
Lou, Louis, Louisa
they are one thing and another
bending both sides of the line neither one nor the other
--------
Edited to change:
they are holding the Ace, the King and the Queen
to
holding the Ace, playing the King & the Queen
------------------------
Update: Was fond of it til I tried to sing it - losing faith now - might just give up and start again on a different tack.
Cheers,
HagRider
Lots of interesting images and ideas floating around. I'm a bit confused and thinking you might need to anchor them down a bit. My question to you is, are you talking about 3 totally different people or 1 person with 3 different attributes? My guess is the later and that's where I'm confused. When you're describing he and then throw in the feminine side then the result is your third persona . . . .they (Hermaphrodite ?). So the role playing is a bit confusing.
On another note, you write
gay as a bright shiny shilling
muscles and manly attire with a feminine filling
Well done! That's a great line.
Lemme give this some more reads and thought . . . . . maybe it's just me and it's too early in the morning and I haven't had my coffee yet.
Overall, I really like the concept of what you're trying to get across. Nice job.
Neil
I think his character here is in the vein of the Kinks"Lola". Interesting lyric.
It is ambiguous.
Yes its just one person, but covering the full range of him, her, undefined.
Its intended as a playful ditty on gender-queer issues - and dedicated to those who prefer the pronoun "they" over "he" or "she".
I suppose the premise is that a person can be all three depending on whim at the time.
Am hoping that the song would work whatever the biological sex of the character.
Cheers,
HagRider
ARRRGHHH!
Its unsingable!!! I know how I want it to go, but it just sounds terrible and twee. EEEEEEEEEK
Can see that at least two big chunks of it are truly appalling and must go.
With a bit of tweak the rhythm works ok - but I just can't get the lightness.
I shall retire to bed and cry for a while & hope its all better in the morning.
Maybe I should stick to bleak and melancholy....
Cheers,
HagRider
Hi hagrider,
Looks like plenty of action and feedback already so I don't have much to add except that I too was unclear as to who or how many characters were involved.
ARRRGHHH!
Its unsingable!!! I
It happens, but that's not a bad thing. It's a rubber to the road test.....so it's good to try a bit of a section or a few lines to see where it's headed before building up too much, but no worries, it's all part of the process.
Plenty of week left to work on revisions :wink:
-James
I can't say how many songs I've started and never finished. (OK, I could say if I bothered to look.) Sometimes I go back months or years later and make something of them. Other times, there's just not enough to work with. And if you're given a topic that doesn't inspire you, it's likely to not go anywhere. It's still good practice and good discipline to try to write something every week. Better if you can analyze your draft song and see what you don't like about it.
Renee
