Y12, W10 - Two oh one four

Nice!

Really liked the way you worked "2014" into each line of each verse (Assuming that the third-to-last line is supposed to read "no one" instead of "on one"). This is fun and every line is a bit of a surprise. Very cool.

The line "I've just got one guitar that doesn't tune well" seems like one that could be a little awkward to sing. Maybe "I've just got one guitar that won't stay in tune."

Like this a lot. Hope we get the chance to hear it at some point! Any idea as to a style?

Looking forward to more.

Peace

Hi Sunnydunes!
Numbers are fun, it has a bouncy sound to me. I like the repetition. One suggestion that comes to my mind, maybe you may want to try is to cut down on articles "a" "an "the" and use fewer "I" and "I've" self-references and maybe just for fun put the numbers at the start of the line. A partial example would be changing the last verse to:

I've got
two friends in distant places
no credit on my telephone
one ex I'd better not reach out to
four beers in the fridge for me alone
two bottles of cheap wine still
one to tell me what to do
one bottle of buffalo-grass vodka
four of these will help me carry through

Just a suggestion, congratulations on starting the writing!
Andy

Great start, Sunnydunes - always nice to welcome new blood to the SSG. Nice slant on the assignment, I think David and Andy have covered any minor niggles. Look forward to reading (and hopefully, hearing?) more from you.

Actually, I just had an after-thought about the last verse - numerically speaking, it doesn't quite add up; 2+0+1+4 =7, and there are four separate repitions, so it'd have to be "The twenty-eight of these will help me carry through...."

Why not make it a little more optimistic or pessimistic (I suppose that depends on whether the four beers, the two bottles of wine and the buffalo-grass vodka are half-full or half empty?) by messing around with the last four lines....

I also have two bottles of cheap wine still,
No-one to care if I'm dead or alive,
And one bottle of buffalo-grass vodka,
To get me through to two-oh-one-five. Or alternatively, don't think I'll be around for
two-oh-one-five.

Just a suggestion, feel free to take note or ignore...but I think ending the song with a reference to 2015, like you've done in the choruses, would round things out nicely.

:D :D :D

Vic

Andy called out what is usually my territory, the repetition of the dreaded "I " word (in this case "I've").

As David said, I like he way you got the 2-0-1-4 worked into each verse. Looking forward to hearing it.

Thanks for the nice words and the kind pointers. I agree with all of them, but still it's not easy to use them all together. I've cut down on some of the I've's and changed the ending a bit. Andygretches suggestion to start each line with the number seems good, but I already had some chords and melody in my head and I couldn't get them out of there.

There's not much narrative progression from one verse to the next, but then again, killing myself in the first contribution might be overdoing it. :) Musically I'll keep this very simple, also because singing and playing guitar at the same time is still hard enough for me! I hope to record something over the weekend.
Am G F E
Two oh one four
Am G F E
I'm getting started with two oh one four
Am G F G
And try and make it to two oh one five
Am G F E
Two oh one four

Am G F E Am G F E
The start of two oh one four two oh one four
Am G F G
To two oh one five
Am G F E
Two oh one four


Like the re-write....I guess the bottles are half-full, then? :-)
..singing and playing guitar at the same time is still hard enough for me..

I sympathise, we have ALL been through that! My particular fix was....(deep breath)....

First of all, I don't know what you're recording with....on the advice of quite a few GN members, I downloaded Audacity from www.sourceforge.com. Once I got used to using it, I'd record a rough demo track....concentrating on guitar, with a mumbled vocal. Then I'd play track 1 back through the headphones and record a second guitar track. Then I'd play both tracks back through the cans and record a second vocal track. Then delete track 1, leaving two tracks - one just guitar, the other just vocals. If I still wasn't satisfied with either of these, I'd re-record them one at a time until I was.

Hey, it worked for me until I got the hang of strumming and singing at the same time - made me feel like a real musician, too!

Good luck with recording - fingers crossed for you!

:D :D :D

Vic